I make my living by sharing personal stories online, hoping to create connections and foster a friendlier atmosphere. Each week, I pour my heart into crafting essays that resonate with people. I know there will always be critics ready to tear apart my work, especially since I write about living in a larger body. Fatphobia is rampant, and I often receive unsolicited advice about weight loss from strangers. While I can usually brush off this negativity, there’s one thing I can no longer ignore.
I’m beyond tired of receiving unsolicited sexual messages from men.
These messages often cross the line from inappropriate to downright offensive. As a woman who identifies as plus-size, I’m not only subjected to body-shaming remarks but also to vile comments about my worthiness. One individual claimed he would rather harm himself than consider being intimate with me. Another insulted me by saying my body was a “waste of my pretty face.” One particularly cruel comment suggested I “lose weight or die in a fire.” It’s astonishing that anyone thinks I care about their opinion on my body. I’m happily married to an amazing man who appreciates me just as I am.
But here’s the thing: I shouldn’t have to be “off-limits” because I’m married. I deserve respect as a human being, regardless of my relationship status. Even if I were single, no man who expresses such blatant disrespect would ever be welcome in my life.
Let’s Be Clear
Unsolicited sexual messages are never okay. They make me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. And, to be honest, it’s not just the negative comments that bother me; I find explicit photos and graphic messages far more disturbing.
So, if you’re a man reading this, I need you to pay attention for a moment. We’re not going to have the “not all men” debate here. If you’re a decent guy who knows how to respect boundaries and waits for enthusiastic consent, good for you! Now, please talk to your friends about this issue.
It’s true that not every man behaves this way, but enough do that it’s a real problem. I recently surveyed several hundred women about their experiences with unsolicited sexual communication. Over half found these messages annoying and laughable, viewing them as a sign of immaturity. Others were genuinely shaken by these interactions, especially survivors of past trauma, who may find unsolicited sexual messages triggering.
Interestingly, none of the women surveyed reported enjoying these unsolicited advances. Instead, when you send an explicit photo or message, you risk being shared in group chats as the “weird guy.” Is that really what you want?
The Reality
The reality is that you can’t predict how a woman will react. For some, your message could be a source of annoyance; for others, it might revive painful memories. No matter your intention, uninvited sexual communication is disrespectful AT BEST. And it’s crucial to understand that many women perceive these messages as aggressive.
You might not have realized this, but your unsolicited sexual messages can feel threatening rather than flattering. And frankly, it’s not our responsibility to educate you on basic respect. You’ve had plenty of time to learn how not to be inconsiderate.
If you send an unsolicited sexual message, you’re being inconsiderate. Your desires should never intrude on a woman’s life without her permission. Now, I’m not saying you should never engage in sexting; this can be a fun and consensual activity between adults. Just remember: consent is key.
I don’t deserve to receive these kinds of messages simply because I’m a woman. My life is mine to curate, and your unsolicited advances are not welcome. Whether your message is positive or negative, explicit or vague, the same rule applies: forcing someone into a sexual conversation is wrong.
Before hitting send on that next inappropriate message, think about how it might affect the woman on the receiving end. We deserve to feel safe, and it’s your responsibility to be better. If you want to learn more about home insemination, check out this resource on artificial insemination kits, or read about the IVF process for more insights. And if you’re interested in understanding more about this topic, visit this related blog post.
In Summary
Unsolicited sexual messages are inappropriate, disrespectful, and can cause emotional distress. We all deserve to navigate our lives without unwanted sexual advances. It’s time to change the conversation and hold ourselves accountable.
Keyphrase: Uninvited sexual messages
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