Updated: May 5, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 18, 2019
We were completely worn out. The day after welcoming our newborn into our family through adoption, we found ourselves stranded out of state, navigating the complexities of the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC). This bureaucratic process required both our home state and the state where we adopted to give their stamp of approval, essentially holding our future in their hands.
While we waited in Missouri, I realized I was missing the crucial final days of the semester, just before giving a final exam to my seventy college writing students. My husband, meanwhile, was juggling work obligations at his accounting firm. The ICPC process can stretch from a few days to several months, creating an agonizing limbo for adoptive families.
Fortunately, my husband’s employer offered a rare benefit: four weeks of paid adoption leave. However, it’s disheartening to note that many companies still fail to provide the same parental leave benefits for adoptive parents that they offer to biological parents. This disparity is simply unjust.
Some people question the need for equal leave for adoptive parents, often citing that we didn’t endure nine months of pregnancy or childbirth. Yet, as Nicole Parker, director of The Adoption Network, points out, adoptive parents and their children—known as adoptees—require dedicated time to bond, especially since the child has missed out on prenatal experiences like hearing their birth mother’s voice or heartbeat. This immediate transition can result in what some in the adoption community refer to as “the primal wound,” which may have a lasting impact on the child’s emotional health.
Adopting older children presents its own set of challenges. Many have experienced instability in places like orphanages or foster homes, and they need time to acclimate to their new families. If adoptive parents must rush back to work mere days after bringing their child home, when is the bonding supposed to occur?
Parker emphasizes that parents also require time to emotionally adjust to their growing family. This includes establishing routines not only for the new child but for any siblings as well. Given the unpredictable nature of adoption, it’s not uncommon for parents to be unprepared for the sudden changes.
For instance, one moment I was painting my kitchen, and the next, I was on a journey to meet my new daughter. We had gathered all the necessary baby supplies thanks to the generosity of friends and family, but we were still navigating the emotional whirlwind of becoming parents.
When I first met my daughter, I was struck by the immediate responsibilities that came with the title of “Mom.” The transition was swift; we spent several days in a hotel, holding and bonding with her. We cherished every moment, but many families don’t have the luxury to focus solely on bonding due to lack of paid leave.
Some families opt to cocoon with their new child, meaning they isolate themselves to focus entirely on establishing a strong bond. However, this is often financially unviable without paid leave or substantial savings. Many adoptive parents are left with difficult choices, especially when they face significant adoption expenses.
In our subsequent adoptions, my husband’s company initially eliminated paid leave, forcing him to use vacation days just to navigate the ICPC process. This left him without time for other important family needs. Fortunately, for our fourth adoption, his employer reinstated paid leave, allowing us to spend precious weeks bonding as a family—time that was incredibly valuable as we adjusted to our new addition and supported our other children in welcoming their new sister.
Parker highlights another critical issue: without adequate leave, parents struggle to address practical needs like securing childcare. Daycare centers often have lengthy waitlists, and many don’t accept infants under six weeks. When a parent adopts a newborn, who will care for them during this gap? Bonding time is essential and could be better utilized if parents had access to paid leave.
Adoptive parents of children with special needs face unique challenges as well, needing time to establish relationships with medical professionals and access necessary educational plans. Offering paid leave would enable families to lay the groundwork for their children’s future.
While some companies provide short-term disability or maternity/paternity leave for biological parents, adoptive parents are frequently left to choose between their child’s well-being and their job. By offering paid adoption leave, employers demonstrate their commitment to the mental and emotional health of their employees and their families. Happy, supported employees are more productive, making it a win-win for everyone involved.
Ultimately, the decision to provide paid adoption leave often boils down to financial considerations. However, if employers want to show genuine care for their employees, they must recognize the entire family unit, including the newest member.
In conclusion, both adoptive and biological parents deserve the opportunity to bond fully with their children during those precious early days. The need for equitable parental leave should be a priority in every workplace.
For more insights on parenting and family experiences, check out our post on movie preferences. If you’re looking for resources on pregnancy or insemination, don’t miss this guide on artificial insemination kits, or visit Healthline for more information on intrauterine insemination.