It’s safe to say that no one enjoys eating in a restroom. So why do we still suggest that nursing parents should pump and feed in public restrooms? The fact is, public restrooms are unsanitary, and it’s absurd to think this is an acceptable option for new parents.
Let me take you back to my first, and thankfully last, experience nursing my child in a public restroom. My son was just a month old, and I was eager to reconnect with friends over brunch. Back then, I was too focused on what others thought about public breastfeeding rather than prioritizing my own needs and my baby’s. (As a side note: the first rule of motherhood is to ignore everyone else’s opinions. If you don’t learn this early on, your journey will be filled with unnecessary challenges.)
The brunch started off wonderfully. Everyone was thrilled to see us, and my son was passed around, showered with affection. But when he became hungry, the atmosphere shifted. Suddenly, it was as if everyone had forgotten that babies cry. “Oh no! He’s hungry, and you didn’t bring his food,” someone exclaimed.
I calmly explained that his food was with me, wherever I went. “Well, where will you feed him?” someone asked, and soon after, a restroom was suggested as the best option. I felt a wave of unease wash over me. I could barely stand using a public restroom, let alone feeding my baby there. Yet, it felt as though this suggestion was more of an expectation than a choice. Frustrated and embarrassed, I made my way to the restroom.
The restroom was a single stall, and the only place to sit was on the visibly dirty toilet. It was moments like these that made visits home leave me feeling ashamed of my choice to breastfeed. If someone had asked me back then why nursing in a restroom felt so wrong, I might not have had the words to explain it. Still, I understood that something was off. I felt like an outsider, forced into a restroom.
As I stood there, just six weeks into motherhood, the urge to cry became overwhelming. I eventually gave in and stood there, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t have the courage to address what happened when I left the restroom. It didn’t matter if they meant well or if they were simply offering options; the underlying assumption that my baby should be formula-fed, coupled with the suggestion to nurse in a restroom, stung deeply. Their words conveyed that public breastfeeding was not normal and should be done in isolation.
One of the hardest parts of that experience was realizing that many people I cared about, and who cared for me, made me feel marginalized for choosing to nurse my children. It was shocking to understand that the people I loved could make me feel so small.
That memory is etched in my mind, along with the discomfort it brought. The mere suggestion that nursing parents should retreat to restrooms still infuriates me. Since then, I’ve become a much more assertive breastfeeding advocate. Feeding in a restroom—unless I’m home with my daughter mid-tantrum and need to use the toilet—is a definite “never again” for me.
I’m committed to standing up for nursing parents, both in real life and online. To all those who encounter nursing moms, I have a few critical messages. First, breastfeeding is hard work. Ensure that the nursing parent feels supported and safe, as these factors affect milk production and the baby’s well-being. If you’re uncomfortable with a nursing parent, it’s best for you to step away. Remember, in all 50 states, the law supports our right to nurse in public. Breastfeeding should be recognized not only as a public health issue but also as a fundamental human right. Finally, reflect on the biases you may have about breastfeeding and recognize that feeding a child is a natural act.
Above all, never suggest that a nursing parent should feed their child in a restroom, closet, or any other secluded place unless they specifically ask for that. Don’t be the person who pushes a parent into an uncomfortable situation.
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Summary: In a personal reflection on the challenges of breastfeeding, the author recounts feeling pressured to nurse in a public restroom, highlighting the emotional toll and societal expectations surrounding breastfeeding. She advocates for the rights of nursing parents and emphasizes the importance of support and understanding from friends and family.
Keyphrase: breastfeeding in public
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