I am a stay-at-home dad.
Honestly, I never thought I’d find myself declaring that. First off, I have a child?! And I’m not working? What am I doing with my days?
To give you some background, my partner and I took a quick trip to the Dominican Republic about 13 months ago. Fast forward through some caipirinhas and a Zika scare, and we now have a joyful 4-month-old daughter.
Having observed friends navigate the challenges of parenthood for the past two decades, I thought I was somewhat prepared for what lay ahead. To bolster that confidence, we attended delivery classes, CPR training, and basic baby care workshops. I might inadvertently hinder my child’s emotional or intellectual growth, but at least she’ll have a healthy oxygen supply and a clean diaper.
With a due date set for January 2, the final trimester coincided perfectly with the holiday rush. Life became a whirlwind of anticipation and nervous energy. The sense of urgency was undeniable—no refunds, no time-outs, and certainly no do-overs. Our baby surpassed the 6-pound mark in the womb and revealed her adorable cheeks with each sonogram.
Then came the unexpected news from my employer: a buyout opportunity for my department. The chance to voluntarily leave my job while receiving compensation based on my tenure was surreal, especially as my first child was on the way. I had to seize this opportunity, as I would essentially be paid to be a stay-at-home dad during my daughter’s earliest months.
Now, four months in, I can’t fathom handing her off to someone else. I’ve been fortunate enough to marry someone exceptional—my partner is far smarter than I am and earns accordingly in her career. But could I truly embrace the role of an unpaid stay-at-home dad?
Financial concerns aren’t my primary issue at the moment; rather, it’s the perception of others. I’d like to think I’ve grown beyond the opinions of other men, that their judgments hold no sway. But the weight of gender expectations looms large. Men are expected to work. Men provide.
Yet here we are in 2017, and this stigma is largely self-imposed. Both my father and my partner’s father—traditional men through and through—seem supportive. My male friends mostly don’t mind, although they occasionally poke fun at my manhood or tease that their taxes are funding my “extended vacation” (they’re not).
Living in Brooklyn, I often encounter other stay-at-home dads. Just this week, I passed three of them in a CVS, and we exchanged solemn nods, silently acknowledging our shared experience in breaking stereotypes.
Still, it irks me when an old shopkeeper asks if it’s my day off, or when someone expresses sympathy when I mention I’m not working anymore (it was voluntary!). Or when I catch someone giving me “the look” after I reveal that I’m a stay-at-home dad. Feeling defensive about it is probably a sign of insecurity, but what can I do?
At the end of a long day caring for my daughter, I breathe a sigh of relief as my partner returns home from her demanding job. I greet her with a kiss, crack open a beer, and don my apron for dinner (yes, I enjoy cooking). Watching her reconnect with our daughter, while our dog happily follows, makes everything feel right.
This is the most significant role I’ve ever taken on. I always knew it on some level, but when my daughter wakes up each morning and greets me with her toothless grin, there’s no doubt. I’ve moved beyond spreadsheets and budget meetings. I owe her a future unclouded by my own baggage. How do I instill in her the values of fearlessness and kindness? How do I teach her to disregard the opinions of others, in the least obnoxious way possible?
She is half of me, although she unfortunately inherited about 85% of my looks. One day, she will be my legacy. I aim to raise a compassionate individual who will make a positive impact on the world.
And to anyone who questions my choices or wonders what I do all day—whether those voices are real or imagined—leave me be. I’m busy.
For more on parenting decisions, check out this insightful link. If you’re considering options like at-home insemination, visit this helpful resource. For further information on pregnancy, Healthline provides excellent insights.
In summary, embracing the role of a stay-at-home dad is both fulfilling and challenging. The societal perceptions may weigh heavily, but the rewards of nurturing my child far outweigh any doubts.