It often begins with a glance. Sometimes directed at my daughter, sometimes at me, or even another parent nearby. Regardless of the focus, the expression is always the same: judgment. It’s the unmistakable look that comes from witnessing a child with autism exhibiting behaviors typical of their condition and deciding that they are “a bit odd,” “strange,” or “misbehaving.” This experience is a common occurrence that can happen anywhere and at any time.
During one of our family vacations to Los Angeles, I planned a special beach day with my five-year-old daughter. She has a profound love for the ocean, so we decided to rise early, grab coffee, and watch the sunrise, avoiding the crowds. Both of us are on the autism spectrum and have what’s known as Asperger’s Syndrome, so steering clear of large gatherings is essential to prevent overstimulation, anxiety, and potential meltdowns. Early morning outings have become one of the many strategies we’ve developed to navigate a world that often overlooks our needs.
However, stepping out into public spaces makes it hard to avoid interactions altogether, and while we can evade crowded areas, it’s nearly impossible to sidestep individuals who pass judgment when they see typical autistic behaviors. Just 15 minutes into our beach outing, this reality hit home.
It should never require me to disclose my daughter’s autism for someone to stop staring or speaking to her with a condescending tone. That morning, the first judgmental look came from a mother strolling with her two pre-teen sons. As my daughter joyfully dashed between the waves and the sand where I sat, flapping her arms and twirling, one of the boys asked loudly, “What is she… doing?”
“I don’t know,” the mother replied, casting an accusatory glance in my direction. “Is she… okay? What’s going on?”
“She’s just playing,” I responded, hoping to end the line of questioning.
“But is she… okay? Why is she making those… noises? And her hands are like… claws?”
“She’s autistic,” I admitted, trying to provide clarity.
“Ohhh, I see,” she said, clearly uncomfortable. After this, she turned back to her son, whispering something I couldn’t hear as they walked further along the beach.
The need to “figure out” others based on a fleeting encounter is a troubling norm in our society, creating unnecessary stress for many individuals. Some people seem to believe they are entitled to an explanation for why someone is different, feeling owed a “valid” reason for another’s behavior or way of life.
This issue is not unique to autism. Parents of children with ADHD often face questions about “bad behavior” during emotional struggles. Individuals who have experienced fertility challenges may feel pressured to explain a sudden departure from a baby shower. For a Black girl, it could involve justifying why she’s upset when her hair is touched by a white child “just being curious.”
If we were to document each of these situations, the list would be endless—much like a long receipt from a store.
Although it can feel daunting to navigate the myriad of experiences that require sensitivity, the solution doesn’t lie in knowing every personal story. That’s impossible. Nor does it stem from having an in-depth understanding of every disorder or disability.
Wouldn’t it have been fantastic if that mother on the beach knew that my daughter’s “weird” behavior was called stimming, a common practice among individuals with autism? Absolutely. Would it have been even better if she had used that knowledge to educate her son, helping him see that people on the autism spectrum are full, valid individuals whose brains simply work differently? Yes, it would have been amazing if she could have done so without interrupting our beach date, turning it into a teachable moment without us having to take on the role of educators about our own lives.
Feeling acknowledged and understood is invaluable, and expanding our comprehension of diverse experiences is something we should all strive for. However, it shouldn’t require a disclosure of my daughter’s autism for someone to be kind. If I have to explain her condition for someone to show basic kindness, then, frankly, that person has already missed the mark. My daughter, like everyone else, deserves kindness, irrespective of how “weird” or “different” she might appear.
Being different does not make someone a target for ridicule or judgment. One transformative shift we can all embrace is to make kindness and empathy our default mode. Rather than attempting to “figure everyone out” and passing judgment when we encounter something unfamiliar, we can adopt a mindset of “There may be something I’m not seeing.”
Let’s commit to kindness. Be. Kind.
For more insights on navigating parenthood and understanding diverse experiences, check out this article about artificial insemination kits. You can also learn more about at-home insemination options through this comprehensive guide. For those interested in pregnancy resources, March of Dimes offers excellent information.
In summary, we all can create a more compassionate world by choosing empathy and kindness over judgment, ensuring that everyone, regardless of their differences, feels seen and valued.
Keyphrase: Autism Awareness and Kindness
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