I remember seeing them stroll past the playground, their laughter echoing in the air as they mingled with their upper elementary and middle school-aged children, seemingly carefree. They weren’t navigating strollers or worrying about diaper bags; instead, they carried chic totes, perhaps with a baguette peeking out. I coined the term “Confident Moms of Older Kids” (CMOKs) for these women, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of resentment.
From my vantage point, pushing a swing and struggling through mundane toddler conversations, I envied the CMOKs who were engaged in real discussions with their articulate kids. They spoke about Broadway shows, school projects managed independently, and even current events. Meanwhile, I was stuck in a cycle of preschool drama and tantrum negotiations that felt endless.
As I watched them stroll past, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of admiration and disdain. Sure, they were doing great, but I was still in the trenches of early motherhood, feeling like I was losing a part of myself. It was tough to remind myself that I would eventually emerge from this chaotic phase.
Now, as I approach my 50s, my children are 9 and 12, and I’ve transformed into the very kind of CMOK I once envied. If I encounter a Mother of a Small Child (MOSC) in a public restroom changing a diaper, I’ll likely look away. And if I spot a mother with a snotty toddler in a café, I’ll choose a seat far from them. It’s a curious reversal of that old “There but for the grace of God go I” sentiment because I’ve been there too.
Perhaps you’re enjoying your life with small children, looking at me and thinking how lucky I am to have older kids who can fend for themselves. Maybe you love the little moments—like cutting grapes in half or wiping a tiny nose. But I revel in the freedom to send my 12-year-old to the store. I appreciate not needing a babysitter for a quick dinner out with my husband. The luxury of reading a book for an hour on a weekend afternoon, just for me, is bliss. I no longer dread the playground, and I cherish hearing about my kids’ exciting adventures as they navigate the world.
For some, embracing each phase of motherhood is a survival tactic. While that worked for some, it didn’t resonate with me when I was in the throes of early parenting. Maybe that’s why the CMOKs irritated me; they embodied what I longed for, and it wasn’t just the baguette.
I now find camaraderie with my CMOK friends. Occasionally, one will catch a whiff of baby powder and jokingly say, “I wish we could go back.” I’ll reply, “No, you don’t,” and she’ll laugh in agreement. That’s the humor we share as we walk past the playground—reflecting on the journey we’ve taken.
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In summary, I have transitioned from resenting those confident moms to becoming one myself, fully embracing the freedom and joys that come with older kids. As we navigate our paths, it’s essential to recognize and appreciate the phases of motherhood, understanding that each stage brings its own challenges and rewards.
Keyphrase: Confident Moms of Older Kids
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