Sitting in my living room, I was absorbed in my phone when my partner, Sarah, posed a question. When I finally looked up, her irritation was palpable. She had already asked me the same thing twice, and I had inadvertently given a vague “sure” in response to a question that required more thought.
She was inquiring about our upcoming weekend plans, but there I was, half-listening while juggling a text from a colleague. Prior to that, I had been busy scheduling posts on my professional social media account. None of these tasks were urgent, but like many working parents, I felt the pressure to wrap things up at home so I could hit the hay a little earlier.
When I finally turned my attention to Sarah, her lips were tightly pressed together, her hand resting on her hip. Guilt washed over me, prompting me to set my phone aside.
“I’m sorry,” I said, attempting to brush it off. “Yeah, I heard you.” I tried to sound sincere, but the truth is, I often flunk these little tests she gives me. She almost always asks me to repeat what she just said, and I can rarely do it.
My interactions with our kids aren’t much better. The common refrain in our house has become, “Put your phone down, Dad!” I usually respond with a half-hearted grunt that nobody believes.
This time, however, Sarah didn’t quiz me. Instead, she sat next to me, looked me in the eyes, and said, “When you don’t listen to me, it feels like you’re saying I don’t matter.”
Silence hung in the air. I exhaled slowly, reflecting on the constant tug-of-war I experience between my work and family life. I work in the academic sector of a Division I athletics program, juggling tutoring sessions and study tables that often stretch into the evening. My schedule can be chaotic, and it’s common for me to receive urgent messages from student employees that demand immediate attention. Yet, many of these inquiries could easily wait until morning, and I struggle to let go.
Admittedly, without my cellphone, I would need to be physically present at work more often. However, the knowledge that I’m always on call for emergencies keeps my phone close at hand, leading me to respond to every little query regardless of its urgency. This habit is taking a toll on my family life.
I like to think I’m good at multitasking as a working father, but the reality is that I’m often only half-present at both work and home. I find myself staring at my phone while attempting to engage with my children, and it’s turning me into a less attentive father and partner.
I know I’m not the only parent grappling with this dilemma. There are moments when I struggle to listen, but like many working parents, it’s hard to admit that. It wasn’t until Sarah pointed it out that I realized how my lack of attention conveys a message to her.
Listening is one of the most important forms of validation we can offer our partners. Despite understanding this, I still find it challenging to set aside distractions and truly engage with Sarah.
When I take a step back to analyze the situation, it’s clear: I was ignoring the woman I’ve loved for 14 years, the mother of my children, and that’s downright rude.
So, I stood up, placed my phone on the other side of the room, and turned on the ringer so I could still hear urgent calls without getting sidetracked by every notification. I then sat back down next to her and said, “I’m really sorry. That’s not what I meant to convey.”
I can’t claim that she instantly forgave me, nor can I guarantee I won’t fall into this trap again. However, in that moment, as we faced one another and I gave her my undivided attention, it was clear she deserved nothing less.
As a working parent, the struggle to balance home and work life is ever-present. If you’re navigating similar challenges, consider exploring options for family-building through resources like this one on intrauterine insemination for those looking to expand their families. You might also find useful information on at-home insemination kits, which can help you along your journey.
In summary, the challenges of being a working parent often lead to feelings of inadequacy, whether at home or at work. Prioritizing attention and connection with loved ones can help bridge that gap.
Keyphrase: work-life balance for parents
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