Have you ever found yourself in this situation? Months have passed since your divorce, and you thought you were on the mend. You were getting your finances in order, transforming your living space, and exploring new hobbies, feeling quite optimistic about your life. But then, out of nowhere, those feelings of anger resurface, and you can’t shake them off. That raw, intense fury hits you as you reflect on how your ex treated you.
You remember discovering the flirty texts from someone else on his phone. Or coming back home after a long business trip only to find the house in disarray, with him lounging on the couch and oblivious to your efforts. Maybe it was those moments at the gym when he’d comment on how you looked different than when you first met, only to ignore you completely. The memories continue to flood back, each one intensifying your rage, leaving you questioning why you didn’t see the signs earlier or why you stayed in that situation for so long.
This sense of unfairness can feel blinding and hinder your ability to move forward. It’s important to recognize what you’re experiencing: that anger is a sign of healing. As you grow stronger and more confident, you’re able to look back at the disrespect and mistreatment you endured, and your resilient self demands justice.
You might wonder, “Why is this happening now? Isn’t it derailing my healing?” Think of your recovery process in stages. Initially, you were in a toxic relationship, possibly normalizing the mistreatment or blaming yourself. Now, you’re at a point of realization: you’ve recognized that your marriage was unhealthy, and you’re either going through or have completed the divorce, focusing on moving forward.
The frustration you feel—the anger—is essentially the gap between the past and present. You realize that being treated poorly was completely unacceptable. You deserved far better than the way you were treated, yet you can’t change the past or make your ex acknowledge his actions. It’s no surprise that you feel stuck.
Remember, the common thread in all this frustration is that you cannot control it. You can’t rewind the clock to get the respect you deserved. Your ex’s behavior was unjustifiable, and he likely won’t apologize or take responsibility. Dwelling on “what ifs” or berating yourself for not standing up to his toxicity will only impede your progress.
So, what’s next? It’s time to redirect that anger into something positive and constructive. I’m not suggesting you create a vision board or forgive him right away. Instead, focus on channeling your emotions into actions that facilitate your healing. I refer to this approach as the PPF Model—Past, Present, Future.
- Past: What lessons can I glean from this anger?
- Present: What actions can I take now to transform this anger into something beneficial?
- Future: What steps will I implement to safeguard myself from similar toxicity in the future?
Letting go of painful memories isn’t simple, but allowing them to keep you stagnant isn’t an option. You have the power to choose: remain stuck in the past or let that anger motivate you to recognize your worth and commit to your healing journey.
This article was originally published on Oct. 13, 2019.
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In summary, navigating the emotions surrounding a divorce can be challenging, but understanding your anger as part of the healing process can empower you to move forward. The PPF Model can serve as a guide to turning that anger into a catalyst for positive change in your life.
Keyphrase: PPF Model for Divorce Healing
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