As a parent, I’ve typically avoided using the school’s parent portal, choosing instead to check in occasionally. I firmly believe my children should take responsibility for their own academic work, just as I did during my own schooling. I feel that relying on constant reminders from teachers or myself undermines their ability to manage their time effectively. My hands-off approach was working well until it wasn’t.
Last year, I noticed a troubling change in my son’s attitude and academic performance. It all came to a head when I received an email notifying me that he was failing history just weeks before the school year ended. The problem wasn’t just poor grades; he had simply stopped submitting assignments altogether. His half-finished tasks were buried at the bottom of his backpack, and his teacher informed me that it was too late to turn them in—one assignment was even a month overdue.
When I confronted him, he acted as if it was no big deal. My ex-husband and I took away his phone and limited his social time, hoping this would motivate him. Unfortunately, he ended up failing the class and is now retaking it as a junior.
After that rocky end to last year, my ex and I have been diligently monitoring the portal every day since school resumed last month. A few weeks ago, I discovered he was failing three classes. My frustration was palpable, and as I expressed the seriousness of his situation, he remained indifferent. It was disheartening to see him so unconcerned about the possibility of not graduating.
My son is quite intelligent; when he applies himself, he earns As. Right now, he has an A in chemistry, but he is struggling with math, history, and psychology, primarily due to not submitting his assignments. I just can’t wrap my head around his apparent lack of motivation. His teacher noted that he had only submitted one assignment out of seven and scored poorly on his last test.
It feels like he’s making an effort to fail or believes the rules don’t apply to him. He clearly doesn’t grasp the potential consequences of his actions. To drive the point home, I painted a vivid picture of what life would look like if he doesn’t graduate high school. At 16, he’s eager to get his driver’s license, find a job, and buy a car. I emphasized that these are privileges he must earn through responsibility in his schoolwork.
He recently scheduled a date for his driver’s test, which is coming up in a week. I made it clear that he must turn in all late assignments before the test date. He also interviewed for a job, which he got, but I warned him that he would need to decline it if he couldn’t improve his academic performance.
If he can’t manage his schoolwork, there’s no way I can allow him to juggle a job or drive. I’m not asking for straight As—just genuine effort and accountability. It’s basic life skills he must learn, even if it’s a struggle for both of us.
Initially, he was upset and stormed around the house, but last week, he told me he spoke to his teachers and obtained his assignments to catch up. I’m still anxious about the situation though. While other parents boast about college visits and AP classes, I’m simply hoping my son graduates. I want to be supportive, but I also feel the need to set boundaries and enforce consequences so he understands the seriousness of his situation.
As with every challenge we face as parents, all I can do is my best and hope for a positive outcome. This is our most significant hurdle yet, one that could shape his future. I have to have faith in both his abilities and my resilience.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to navigate this parenting journey, trying to balance being a strict mom with allowing him the freedoms typical of a teenager. Sometimes, it may be necessary for him to lose those privileges to realize how important it is to earn that diploma.
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