When my youngest, Lily, received a trip to the principal’s office during preschool, I realized we were in for an unpredictable journey once she entered kindergarten. To be honest, she embodies the spirit of a wild child. I adore her—her humor, curiosity, and infectious laughter are irreplaceable. However, the truth is, she has never cared much about following rules in her five years.
We’ve certainly made efforts to guide her behavior. We’ve established boundaries, set expectations, and offered rewards. While she has made some progress, let’s face it: if Lily had been our firstborn, she might have been our last.
The first day of kindergarten was pretty standard. I felt a wave of emotion as I dropped her off, while Lily buzzed with excitement. It was my final kindergarten drop-off, and I wanted to savor every moment. But picking her up later was an entirely different experience.
At her school, they implement a clip chart system to track behavior. Every child starts their day ready to learn, with the opportunity to move up or down based on their actions. Naturally, on Lily’s first day, she slid down the chart. Her teacher greeted me with the kind of smile that only kindergarten educators possess and said, “We had a challenging day. We’ll try again tomorrow.”
To my dismay, I later discovered that Lily had fallen to just one box above “process,” which my older two children had always regarded as the worst possible outcome. My son, now 12, never faced a “process” and neither did my 9-year-old daughter. Yet, by the second week of kindergarten, I found a process form tucked in Lily’s backpack. It detailed her talking out of turn, stepping out of line, and showcasing her signature rebellious spirit. One question on the form really stood out: “How do you feel about what happened?” To my shock, Lily answered, “I feel good.”
In that moment, I was struck by the unsettling thought that I might be raising a little mischief-maker.
I don’t think we are bad parents, but I couldn’t help but wonder if we had made mistakes along the way. Many parents of spirited children share this sentiment. Perhaps we should have enforced stricter discipline or considered sending her to a toddler boot camp, if such a thing even exists. The challenge is that she behaves relatively well at home—at least, that’s what I believe. However, the moment she’s around teachers or other children, it’s as if the full moon transforms her into a tiny werewolf, and chaos ensues.
We exchanged several emails with Lily’s teacher, and to align home and school expectations, we created our own clip chart at home. We endeavored to promote good behavior through encouragement, but nothing seemed to change. For a while, I questioned our capabilities as parents.
Then, a wonderful idea emerged from Lily’s teacher. She proposed a game called “Beat The Teacher.” Each day, Lily and her teacher would fill out a simple sheet where both received smiley faces for positive actions. It appears her teacher often “loses,” but I suspect that’s part of the strategy. Every day, Lily returns home excitedly displaying her “beat the teacher” form, proudly announcing her victories and explaining how she earned each smiley face.
It’s hard to predict how long this game will hold her interest, but for now, sending a spirited child to kindergarten can be quite anxiety-inducing. I realize that this will likely be a theme throughout Lily’s life.
What truly makes a difference is when a thoughtful teacher takes a creative approach to connect with an active student. Although Lily’s teacher didn’t have to implement this extra game, it has proven to be transformative, and I’m genuinely grateful for it.
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Summary:
Navigating kindergarten with a spirited child can be challenging, but with supportive teachers and creative strategies, parents can find effective ways to guide their children’s behavior. Lily’s experience highlights the importance of adaptability and understanding in parenting.
Keyphrase: Raising a spirited child in kindergarten
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