My eldest, Alex, was busy at soccer practice behind me. In front of me, my youngest, who is five, was bustling with what seemed like boundless energy. My middle child was at home with her mom, tackling homework. And there I was, comfortably nestled on a park bench, enjoying a rare moment of peace.
A young father in his twenties was energetically playing tag with his kids on the playground. He was leaping off the equipment and zooming down the slides in his work boots and jeans. It was past 6 p.m., yet he still had the stamina to juggle a full day’s work and engage with his children.
Every now and then, he shot me a glance that seemed to challenge me: “Why aren’t you joining in? Don’t you want to be more involved?”
I kept stealing glances back at him, sinking deeper into my seat.
Look, young dad, I respect what you’re doing. It’s commendable. I used to be just like you when I was a young father with a single child. I chased after kids, played tag, and climbed on the jungle gym. Those moments are incredibly precious.
Now, as I approach my 40s with three kids aged 5 to 12, I find myself in a different reality. I juggle the demands of each child, from the indifference of a tween to the antics of a grade schooler who sometimes pretends not to know how to use the bathroom. My middle child often feels overlooked in the chaos.
I work two jobs, and my body is constantly reminding me of my age. My back aches all the time—whether I’m sleeping or just moving around. I’ve grown accustomed to shin splints and the occasional flare-up of hemorrhoids from even mild activity. Sure, I could push myself to play on the jungle gym, and I do sometimes, but I’m also old enough to acknowledge when my body needs a break, and I don’t feel guilty about it.
I’m up before 6 a.m. and completely drained by 8:30 p.m., and that’s without a game of tag. I consume more caffeine than I care to admit. My nights are often restless, filled with worries about bills and my children’s academic progress. I face work pressures and marriage issues that can pile on top of each other like a game of Jenga.
But outside of the physical aches, fatigue, and the constant anxiety that seems to accompany parenthood, I’ve come to cherish those rare moments when I can just sit and do nothing.
As you chased your kids, giving me those looks, I was free from the demands of parenting. No one was climbing on me, asking for snacks, requesting help to settle disputes, or searching for lost shoes. There were no fights or tears. After 12 years of fatherhood, my standards may have shifted, but sitting on that park bench while my kids entertained themselves was blissful.
I know you might read this and scoff. You may tell me to toughen up or think I’m no fun at parties. Perhaps you’ll even label me a bad parent, but I assure you, that’s not the case.
This isn’t a critique of parenting—good or bad. It’s a reflection on aging and the evolution of what parenting looks like from your 20s to your late 30s. It’s about realizing that as you progress in this parenting journey, you start to appreciate those rare moments of solitude, allowing your kids to learn independence. You recognize the value of just sitting back and breathing.
You’ll understand this one day. Trust me.
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Summary:
As a father navigating the challenges of parenting, I’ve come to appreciate the simple joys of sitting back and allowing my kids to play independently. While younger dads may be all about active engagement, I’ve learned that moments of rest and reflection are just as valuable. This perspective shift comes with age and experience, emphasizing the importance of balance in parenting.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Relaxation
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