Dear Family,
I’ve reached my breaking point. Despite your beliefs, I cannot find everything. Yes, I have a knack for spotting trouble and keeping tabs on your chocolate consumption, but let’s be real—I’m not your personal treasure map. You marvel at my skills, like how I manage to bribe you into completing chores or keeping quiet during long car rides. I excel at these parenting tactics, and I might even call myself exceptional.
However, when you stand with your head in the fridge asking if we have any milk while the handle is practically poking you in the eye, I start to lose my patience. This shifts my mood, and we both know that’s not a good thing.
You’ve all perfected the art of searching for things and coming up empty-handed. The notion that I know the location of every item in this house is not flattering. I have no desire to take on this role any longer.
And by the way, if you’re in need of butter, it’s exactly where it’s always been—inside the butter dish in the cupboard. If it’s empty, grab a new stick from the fridge. If the fridge is empty too, yes, we’re out of butter. Got it?
I don’t rearrange items around the house just to mess with you. I have better things to do than keep track of every little thing, and I refuse to exercise my brain over this.
I don’t know if you think, “Let’s make Mom mad for fun,” or if you genuinely believe I have any clue where your left sneaker is. The truth is, I don’t know where your stuff is. I can barely remember where I left my car keys or what day it is, so please stop expecting me to be your personal search assistant.
I might not always know when we’re out of something, but if you need it, you’d be better off looking for it yourself instead of yelling, “Mom! Where are my sweatpants?!” How many times do I need to express my frustration before you realize this approach isn’t working?
If you took better care of your belongings and put them back in their designated spots, maybe you wouldn’t misplace so much. How about that?
Please stop putting me in this position, dear kids and partner. It’s just as frustrating for me as it is for you when I interrupt your conversations or embarrass you in public. Instead of just one annoying person, I have all of you asking where things are.
I’m just as bewildered when you ask for milk that’s inch from your face. I can’t and won’t help you anymore. You need to take initiative. I’ve always told you that you’re capable of achieving anything, including locating your colored pencils. I can hear your urgency in your voice, so it’s time to get searching, darling.
I’m too busy ensuring you’re all fed and that your social calendars are full to avoid the “boredom” complaints that you often express. This is a skill I take pride in. So you can see why I can’t add “finding your library book” to my ever-growing to-do list.
Now, where on earth are my keys?!
In summary, it’s time for you to take responsibility for your belongings. I’m not your personal locator, and I can’t keep track of everything. If you all start putting things back where they belong, we can save a lot of time and frustration.
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