As a woman in my 40s who knows what she wants, I’ve become quite discerning in my search for a partner. I desire to meet someone special and fall in love, as I truly deserve it. However, it’s important that this person is exceptional because I’m not just dating for myself, but for my three children as well.
I find myself saying “no” quite frequently. Whether it’s to requests for explicit photos, texts that come out of the blue, or unwanted advances like a kiss at the end of a date, I’ve learned to assert my boundaries. In the past, saying “no” was a challenge for me, primarily due to my desire to avoid hurting feelings. However, I have worked hard on establishing boundaries, and now I confidently express my refusal.
What I struggle to understand, however, is the reaction I receive from men when I do say no.
Not long ago, a man reached out to me on social media, asking me out for drinks. We had never met, but we had mutual friends and went to nearby colleges. When I asked if he meant without his wife, he insisted he wanted to meet me alone, claiming that things were “really bad” in his marriage. I firmly told him no and suggested he focus on his family instead. I assumed that would be the end of it, but I was mistaken.
A few days later, he messaged me again just to say “hi.” I told him to stop messaging me, but he began to argue. Eventually, I blocked him after he persisted despite my clear refusals.
Another incident happened on a dating app where I was conversing with a charming man. We exchanged numbers after some pleasant exchanges. However, his demeanor took a turn when he asked about my ideal body type and, without warning, sent me an explicit photo of himself. While I appreciate a little flirtation, I believe it’s essential to meet in person first and establish chemistry. I told him that sending such pictures was inappropriate, but he took my refusal as a challenge and sent another explicit message. I reiterated my discomfort, stating that I was simply a stranger he had just met online. He called me uptight and then reached out again days later as if nothing had happened. I had clearly said no multiple times.
There was also a first date last year with a nice man who I felt no romantic chemistry with. After a polite kiss goodnight, I told him that I didn’t feel a connection. He insisted that I hadn’t felt a connection because we hadn’t engaged in anything “naughty.” I continued to decline his offers to meet again, but he bombarded me with texts, insisting that I would change my mind.
One of the most alarming experiences was with a man I dated briefly. After I expressed my desire to end things, he repeatedly texted me, flooding my phone with messages until I had to demand he stop. When he showed up uninvited at my house while my kids were present, I was forced to threaten to call the police before he finally left. I had clearly expressed my refusal at least twenty times.
It’s disheartening to see that many of the men who struggle to accept the word “no” are intelligent and accomplished individuals. They have careers, families, and seemingly sound judgment, yet they often react to rejection by questioning the validity of my feelings.
I know I’m not alone in this experience; I’ve heard countless stories from other women who have faced similar challenges with men who have difficulty understanding the word “no.” It’s a widespread issue that needs addressing. I can only hope for change in the future.
As a mother of two sons, I feel a responsibility to teach them the importance of respecting boundaries and understanding the significance of the word “no.” I share my experiences with them (while leaving out some details) so they can learn early on that “no” should be heard and respected the first time it is spoken—not after repeated insistence or threats.
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In summary, the inability of many men to accept rejection is a frustrating reality for many women. Despite being smart and successful, some men still struggle with boundaries and respect for a woman’s right to say no. As we work toward a more respectful society, it’s crucial to teach the next generation the importance of listening and understanding the significance of consent.
Keyphrase: Men Struggle to Accept No
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