Recently, a troubling incident unfolded at a school dance in Louisville, where several girls were turned away for sporting dresses that were just above the knee. In another case in Alaska, a referee disqualified a talented high school swimmer over a swimsuit issue. My 11-year-old daughter faced a similar situation when she was barred from participating in a “class bonding” hiking trip.
The night before the trip, I found myself sitting with her as she rummaged through her closet for suitable attire. I suggested she wear leggings tucked into her socks—a common practice in our region, especially with the Lyme disease threat from local ticks.
“I can’t wear leggings without shorts on top. It looks silly,” she protested. She explained that the school enforced a rule against “skinny” pants unless they were covered by shorts. This caught me off guard. If leggings were acceptable for sports practice, why not for a field trip? Boys in co-ed swimming classes had likely seen much more than just a girl in yoga pants.
I couldn’t believe it. “Are you kidding?” I asked. “How about jeans?”
“No, they’re too tight. Only wide-leg jeans are allowed.”
“That makes no sense! What are you supposed to wear? Sweatpants?”
With a straight face, she replied that pajama pants were her best bet. “Don’t worry, I’ll tuck them into my socks.” That night, I lay awake, feeling like I was complicit in this absurdity. After all, I was funding the school with my tuition checks. The next morning, I covered her legs with bug spray and sent her off in the longest shorts and knee-high socks she had.
What transpired next became a pivotal moment for our family. I composed a letter to the principal, expressing my concerns about the restrictive dress code and included research on the detrimental effects of such policies. He called me for a discussion, joined by the new assistant dean, who was openly supportive. I felt reassured, believing she would back my efforts for change.
During our conversation, the principal asserted that yoga pants disrupt the learning environment. He recalled a time he visited a hospitalized student with an eating disorder and expressed his belief that seeing other girls in tight clothing had worsened her condition. As he spoke, I could sense his emotion, but my anger grew. When I inquired about the evidence backing his claims, he became defensive, insisting that his daily observations sufficed.
“Actually, I have some research,” the assistant dean interjected. Relief washed over me momentarily. However, she argued that teenage boys couldn’t be held responsible for their reactions to girls in yoga pants because their brains aren’t fully developed until age 25.
That’s when I lost my temper. I assumed she’d have a different perspective, being a woman herself. Ultimately, the principal flatly stated that the rule would remain unchanged, emphasizing his desire to “protect the innocence” of students.
This rule implied that my daughters were primarily sexual beings, reducing them to mere objects of attention. It also suggested that boys, including my own son, were inherently unable to control themselves in the presence of girls.
Later that evening, my husband and I discussed the situation with our four teenagers. My daughters expressed gratitude for my stance. Even my 13-year-old son chimed in, “I’m around girls all the time and I manage just fine.” He added, “American clothing rules stem from Puritan values, unlike in France, where nudity is common on TV, but there are no guns.” I shared my feelings of isolation as the only parent willing to confront the rule.
I initially posted my frustrations on social media, but my husband urged me to remove it, fearing it wouldn’t be taken seriously. A few sympathetic moms reached out, but many were too afraid of repercussions for their children.
If I forced my daughters to wear shorts over their pants, I would validate the harmful beliefs underpinning this rule. In the end, we decided to withdraw our kids from that school. Each of us felt this was the right choice in line with our values. Interestingly, after we left, the school quietly amended the dress code policy.
Settled in our new school environment, we still reflect on that experience and how it has shaped us. I feel empowered, knowing my family stands united. Now, my kids critically analyze rules and question their implications when they sense injustice, bringing such discussions home for us to explore together.
This article was originally published on Motherwell.
Summary:
In facing a restrictive school dress code that objectified girls and implied boys were unable to control themselves, one mother chose to advocate for change rather than comply. After a difficult conversation with the school principal, who upheld the controversial rules, she decided to withdraw her daughters from the school, leading to a quiet amendment of the policy. This experience empowered her family to critically analyze rules and stand up against injustices together.
Keyphrase:
school dress code
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