“Therapy has truly changed my life,” my friend Lisa shared. With her weekly sessions over several months, she found a path toward acceptance and growth. “That’s amazing!” I responded with genuine enthusiasm. But deep down, I knew I was lying; I was avoiding therapy out of fear.
Why Did I View Therapy as a Last Resort?
I believed I could manage my anxiety through medication, natural remedies, and practices like meditation. However, the generational stigma surrounding therapy only exacerbated my struggles. Thoughts raced through my mind: Why should I confide in a stranger? Couldn’t I just pray harder—“let go and let God”? Did my anxiety stem from a lack of faith? Why couldn’t I just take a “chill pill” and enjoy life?
My Journey with Anxiety
My anxiety has been a constant presence since childhood. I vividly recall a traumatic car accident when I was just two years old. The chaos of that day left me shaken, and I felt an overwhelming need to use the bathroom, leading my mother to plead with a laundromat owner for access. The memory of that moment, coupled with the intense heat of the dryers, did little to calm my nerves.
Anxiety continued to plague me as I grew older. I would wake up early, anxious about my dad leaving for work, fearing a tragic accident. Chaos was my enemy, and I craved order. As I entered middle school, I began suffering from debilitating stomach aches, which evolved into panic attacks in my twenties. I was a bundle of nerves, and it was exhausting.
Seeking Help
At 33, amid the anticipation of adopting a baby, I finally decided to seek therapy. With my anxiety reaching new heights and three young kids asking about their future sister, I realized I couldn’t handle the racing thoughts alone any longer. I reluctantly acknowledged that therapy was the missing piece in my anxiety management strategy.
For weeks, I contemplated making an appointment, but even the thought of calling a therapist threw me into a panic. Once I finally gathered enough courage to schedule a session, the looming date only heightened my anxiety. What would it be like? Would I be judged?
I decided to dress comfortably for my first session, opting to stay in my workout clothes. I wanted to show up as my authentic self. As I drove to the appointment, my heart raced, yet I reminded myself that seeking help was a positive step.
The Experience of Therapy
To my surprise, therapy was relatively uneventful. I didn’t leave transformed, but I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Confronting my fear of counseling was liberating. I wished I had sought therapy earlier, especially in my twenties when panic attacks first emerged.
Speaking to a trained professional about my challenges brought me a newfound sense of freedom. Unlike family and friends, who can inadvertently judge, a therapist is there to listen and support you. Through therapy, I discovered that anxiety often has a genetic component, as I learned that several of my relatives also struggle with it. Anxiety is incredibly common, affecting more than one-third of women at some point in their lives.
Breaking the Stigma
Like many, I grappled with the disparity between societal expectations and my reality. After adopting four children, overcoming a life-threatening illness, and dealing with cancer, people labeled me as strong and brave. Yet, amidst daily chaos, I often felt broken and fragile. My anxiety only exacerbated the stress of parenting and working.
Opening up about my struggles—both with my therapist and loved ones—has significantly reduced anxiety’s grip on me, allowing me to reclaim my sense of self. Talking about my anxiety has alleviated some of its power over me.
Reflections on Therapy
In hindsight, I regret not trying therapy sooner. If I had, I might have realized that attending therapy is just another appointment—an essential self-care practice that can foster long-term change. Now that I’m comfortable with my therapist, I’ve candidly discussed my anxiety with family and friends. No longer hiding, I embrace my identity as someone with anxiety, knowing there are many others who share my experience.
Therapy has empowered me to acknowledge my pain and navigate life’s ups and downs, rather than avoiding them. It’s a reminder that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a vital step toward healing.
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Conclusion
In summary, therapy has been a transformative experience for me, and I wish I had embraced it earlier. It’s never too late to seek help and prioritize mental health.
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