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Changing the Conversation with Our Daughters
by Jenna Morrison
Updated: Dec. 13, 2019
Originally Published: Oct. 1, 2019
As parents, the language we use with our children holds immense power. They trust our words fully; after all, we can convince them that a jolly figure in a red suit descends chimneys to deliver gifts. With this influence comes a significant responsibility. Even a casual remark can have lasting implications on their self-esteem and perspectives on life.
As a mother of three young girls and having been a girl myself, I’ve witnessed how comments from adults, both family and others, have shaped my self-image and views. It took considerable life experiences to challenge those beliefs, so I aim to give my daughters a better start. The world has evolved, and our conversations with little girls need to evolve too.
1. Boys Who Are Mean Must Like You
This notion may seem harmless and often holds some truth, but it ingrains a dangerous idea that boys express feelings through negative actions and girls should simply accept it. When my six-year-old mentioned a boy being unkind, my instinct was to suggest he might have a crush, but I paused. I want her to understand that no one should interpret disrespect as affection. Instead, I emphasized that it’s unacceptable to treat others poorly and guided her on how to assertively ask someone to stop their hurtful behavior.
2. Behave Like a Lady
This phrase often implies that girls must adhere to stricter behavioral standards than boys, placing an undue burden on them. It’s not just about being poised; it’s about the message that girls are responsible for mitigating boys’ actions. My daughters should never feel they must alter their behavior to accommodate others. Everyone, regardless of gender, should be accountable for their actions, and while they are children, they should be free to express themselves, even if my seven-year-old is obsessed with high heels.
3. Linking Food and Exercise to Body Image
This topic is particularly challenging, as messages about body image are pervasive and often unavoidable. Despite my parents’ efforts to shield me from negative commentary, societal influences seeped in. To counteract this, I focus on how food affects our wellbeing rather than our appearance. I explain that “too much candy can upset your tummy” and “an apple gives you energy.” When my girls ask why I exercise, I want to shift the narrative from size to health. I tell them it’s about becoming stronger and more energetic to keep up with them, hoping that repeating this will help me internalize it too.
4. Threats of Violence Against Offenders
While statements like “I’ll hurt anyone who touches you” may seem protective, they can inadvertently instill fear in girls about sharing their experiences. I’ve learned that many victims hesitate to speak out due to fear of their loved ones’ reactions. A more empowering message would be, “If someone ever hurts you, I will believe you.” This fosters an environment of trust and support.
5. Gendered Interests
When my four-year-old requested a bike featuring Chase from Paw Patrol, my first thought was to choose a pink one with female characters. However, I realized she connected with Chase, who represents leadership. Thus, she received a blue bike that matched her preference, and it made her incredibly happy. It’s crucial to encourage girls to challenge societal norms and pursue interests that resonate with them, proving that girls can indeed be heroes.
Many of these phrases come from a place of love and tradition, yet they are rooted in outdated beliefs that view women as secondary to men. While I cannot shield my girls from these messages entirely, I hope that by not perpetuating them myself, I can provide a more empowering perspective. For more insights on family planning and home insemination, consider checking out this article.
In summary, we need to adapt our conversations with our daughters to foster a sense of independence and self-worth, allowing them to navigate the world with confidence. This shift not only benefits them but also encourages healthier communication patterns for future generations.
Keyphrase: Changing the Conversation with Our Daughters
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