Losing weight has led to a complicated relationship with myself. After having my third child, I shed 65 pounds, which amounts to 80 pounds if you consider my weight at the end of pregnancy. This transformation didn’t happen overnight; it took a year of gradual changes. While it feels refreshing to wear new clothes and occasionally feel good about my appearance, the comments from others have been quite damaging.
I realize people mean well when they compliment my weight loss. However, it raises important questions about boundaries regarding body comments. It’s generally unacceptable to comment on a woman’s weight gain, so why do we feel the need to comment when someone loses weight? Before you react, let me clarify: it’s entirely different when someone openly shares their weight loss journey—by all means, cheer them on! However, not everyone is comfortable sharing such personal matters. Aside from my husband and my closest friend, I didn’t make a big announcement about my weight loss. I would respond politely when asked, but the unsolicited comments can feel overwhelming.
One of the most frustrating remarks I’ve received is, “Wow, who knew you were so beautiful?!” It’s disheartening because the “old” me was beautiful too, even if it didn’t fit someone else’s definition of beauty. The old me holds memories of happier times, and it’s painful to hear comments that seem to dismiss that version of myself.
Another comment that stings is, “Look at you after three kids!” This implies that my worth as a mom is tied to my appearance. What about the new mom standing next to me? Comparing our bodies only adds unnecessary pressure. Motherhood isn’t a competition. Whether a mother has lost her baby weight or not, it’s essential to recognize that each woman is doing what is best for her.
Then there’s the frequent, “I didn’t even recognize you!” This one cuts deep. I may look different, but my core self remains unchanged. After an outing with my husband at a local fair—a gathering that felt like a school reunion—I found myself wanting to leave early. The constant body critiques had become too much, making me anxious about how I was perceived.
Do people realize that my weight loss isn’t just about health? It’s intertwined with depression and untreated thyroid issues. I often feel like I’m living in a body that doesn’t reflect my self-image. When I see a size small tag, I can’t help but doubt its accuracy, often trying on multiple shirts in that size, convinced they must be mislabelled. I still see the larger version of myself in the mirror.
Moreover, I’ve started wearing my old clothes to appear bigger around familiar faces. I weigh myself daily, haunted by the fear of judgment if I regain the weight. Comments suggesting I’m “anorexic” are not only unhelpful but also deeply offensive. Having known women who battled eating disorders, I know how serious these issues can be.
I appreciate that people want to uplift me, yet for someone like me, who has struggled with body image, it’s hard to hear praise that seems to diminish the past. I genuinely liked the old me. She represents a time of joy, and it’s disheartening to hear her belittled.
It’s crucial to understand the hidden aspects of weight loss that often go unspoken. If you notice someone has changed, consider asking about their life or accomplishments instead of their body. Compliment their work, hobbies, or family life. If they wish to discuss their weight loss, they will bring it up.
A good rule of thumb is this: if you wouldn’t want to share the gritty details of childbirth with them, you likely aren’t close enough to comment on their body.
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In summary, while well-meaning, comments about weight loss can have unintended consequences. It’s essential to approach these topics with sensitivity and understanding, focusing on the individual rather than their physical appearance.
Keyphrase: weight loss journey
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