How Sleep Training Transformed My Parenting Journey

I have a secret: I allowed my children to cry it out. Before jumping to conclusions, please take a moment to hear my story.

First and foremost, parenting choices regarding sleep don’t deserve judgment. However, the moment you mention “sleep training” or “cry it out,” it feels like a wave of mommy-shaming descends, with critics ready to declare your parenting skills a disaster and your children’s futures doomed.

Let’s set the record straight—there are numerous ways I’ve stumbled as a parent, but sleep training is not one of them.

What is Sleep Training?

So, what exactly is sleep training? Contrary to some beliefs, it doesn’t involve letting your baby wail for hours. It’s about teaching your child to fall asleep independently. There are various methods to achieve this, one of which is allowing your little one to cry for a short period before offering comfort.

Like many parents, I had a vision of who I would be as a mother—most of which evaporated before my first child arrived. My birth plan was tossed aside, and the delivery was almost traumatic. Recovery was prolonged and painful. Almost instantly, I sensed something was amiss, though I couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

Eventually, it became clear that I was grappling with postpartum depression. It was as if everything went dark, and I was merely drifting through a fog. The relentless sleep deprivation compounded the situation. While every new parent faces sleepless nights, my exhaustion was on another level. I found myself on the brink of tears almost constantly and was filled with self-loathing.

I thought I was managing; things couldn’t be that bad, right? I was surviving—wasn’t that the essence of early motherhood? I believed being a mom meant becoming a selfless martyr, where my needs were irrelevant.

A Turning Point

But then came that fateful night that I still remember vividly. My son was crying again. I attempted to soothe him, only to grow more frustrated. I tried various methods—shooshing, bouncing, you name it. Before long, I realized my feelings of anger and desperation had reached a frightening threshold.

In a moment of panic, I placed my son in his crib and stepped away. Thankfully, nothing disastrous occurred, but it propelled me to confront the dark cloud that had settled over my life.

Something had to change. I could no longer continue in the same manner. So, I made some significant decisions. Firstly, I stopped breastfeeding abruptly. (My reasons for this are a separate discussion, and I’m not seeking judgment here). Secondly, my partner and I devised a plan to alternate night feedings. Finally, we decided to embrace traditional sleep training.

Finding the Right Method

While there are some extreme sleep training approaches out there, we conducted thorough research and found a method that felt right for us. When we put our son to sleep in his crib, we allowed him to cry for a few minutes before providing comfort. If he awoke during the night, we followed the same approach. Gradually, we increased the waiting time before intervening. And guess what? It worked!

Before long, he began falling asleep independently in his crib and sleeping longer stretches. By four or five months, he was generally sleeping a solid 11-12 hours without waking, or at least without crying loudly enough for us to notice. Of course, there were exceptions—like when he was sick or during travel. But overall, the sleep training was a success, and our family benefitted greatly.

The Controversy of Sleep Training

Sleep training, particularly the cry-it-out method, is a contentious topic, and opinions vary widely. Many people will label you a terrible parent for not rushing to soothe your baby. “How can you let them cry?” they question.

I’ll tell you—it’s not easy. Watching the seconds tick away until you decide to comfort your child can be agonizing. However, let me tell you what’s even harder than sleep training: parenting while in the midst of a mental health crisis.

Becoming a parent alters your entire world, and pregnancy can take a toll on a woman’s body and mind. Add in fluctuating hormones, sleep deprivation, and other stressors, and you have a recipe for mental health challenges. I chose sleep training because maintaining a healthy and stable parent is crucial for a child’s well-being, and I have zero regrets.

Not only did my mental health improve once my baby began sleeping well, but he has also remained an excellent sleeper ever since.

Embracing Your Choices

I’m not suggesting that sleep training is the solution to every parenting challenge or that it works for everyone. If co-sleeping or other practices suit your family, then embrace those choices. The priority should be to ensure that you are a healthy and happy parent for your child.

Motherhood does not equate to self-sacrifice. We must prioritize our well-being to care for our children effectively, and we shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Nor should we let others shame us for the choices we make to be the best parent we can be.

After all, it won’t be long before they’re sleeping through their alarms on school days.