When our firstborn was an infant, I jokingly referred to him as a “clingy little koala.” He wanted to be held around-the-clock, to the extent that both my partner and I craved a personal “do not disturb” bubble each night. Of course, real respite was elusive since he would only settle down if someone held him upright. I’d awkwardly cradle him in my arm, head propped against a bookshelf, while he slumbered peacefully, and I teetered between exhaustion and sheer madness.
Every time we attempted to place him down, the emotional outburst that followed was almost immediate. He wasn’t a fan of baby slings or lying beside anyone. Instead, he demanded to be held continuously, and if he wasn’t, those adorable chubby cheeks would turn into a frown that escalated quickly into tears.
There were moments when we had to let him fuss on the floor while we tackled household chores—dishes, laundry, or simply maintaining our sanity. Each time, I felt like a failure. I worried he’d develop an attachment disorder and that we were somehow messing it all up. But it turns out I was being too hard on myself.
According to Susan M. Thompson, a researcher at a prominent university, caregivers only need to respond appropriately to their baby’s attachment needs about 50% of the time to foster a positive relationship. That’s right—half the time is sufficient!
Now, this doesn’t mean you should only pick up your baby half as often or allow them to cry endlessly. It challenges the traditional attachment theory, which emphasizes the importance of a strong emotional bond between a child and their primary caregiver. This theory, originating in the 1950s, asserts that infants experience distress when separated from their caregivers, and that consistent affection and comfort are vital.
The persistent notion that parents—especially mothers—must be available 100% of the time can lead to an overwhelming sense of guilt. For those who must return to work or need to leave their baby with a sitter, this guilt can be particularly acute. Low-income mothers face this dilemma even more, feeling pressured to constantly attend to their clingy infants lest they develop attachment issues.
But the research suggests that if you have a baby, you can ease up on the anxiety about attachment disorders. You shouldn’t feel guilty about leaving your child with a caregiver to earn a living. Your baby will be just fine.
You can set your little one down for a moment, take a breather, and change that shirt stained with baby drool. If your partner is trying to soothe the baby while you take a well-deserved shower, let them do their best. The baby will be okay. Science backs you up on this!
As Thompson notes, “You don’t have to be perfect; you just need to be good enough.” So take a deep breath and lighten your load.
For more insights on the journey of parenthood, consider exploring resources like WebMD for pregnancy and home insemination information, or check out the BabyMaker at Home Insemination Kit for helpful tools. If you’re looking for something more robust, the Impregnator at Home Insemination Kit can also be a great resource.
In summary, relax and remember that parenting doesn’t require perfection. You only need to “get it right” half the time.
Keyphrase: parenting attachment
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