As I was upstairs putting my youngest to bed, I could hear my mother-in-law griping about our dishwasher. Sure, her help with loading it was appreciated, but the constant barrage of criticism? Not so much. She kept insisting it was “unacceptable.” My wife, standing in the kitchen, tried to explain that the appliance still functions and that a new one simply isn’t in the budget at the moment. But that didn’t stop her. With every clank of our wobbly, chipped dishwasher, she told my wife she deserved better.
I can’t argue that our dishwasher is a piece of junk. My wife and kids absolutely deserve an upgrade. However, finances are tight. Anyone with small children can relate. The dishwasher came with the larger house we bought last year. Initially, it looked decent, but after some use, we discovered it wasn’t installed correctly; every time we open the door, half of it tips out, damaging the front and causing dishes to tumble. The door springs are faulty too, so if you’re not careful, it can come crashing down and hit you right in the knee.
But as my wife pointed out, it still works. With braces for our kids, youth sports, and an unreliable minivan, we haven’t been able to prioritize a new appliance.
Unfortunately, our in-laws—and even my parents—never seem to grasp our situation. I’m in my mid-30s, and my wife and I have been married for over a decade. Back when I was in college and my wife was working full-time in retail while I waited tables, my mother criticized our barely affordable two-bedroom farmhouse, insisting I should be doing more for my family.
After finishing college, it took us nearly two years to secure a loan for a modest 1,000 square foot home. It was a significant milestone for us, yet when we showed it to our parents, they deemed it too cramped and unacceptable. Then, after moving into a larger, nicer home in a better area, I endured my mother-in-law’s comments about how we should have avoided buying a used property.
Throughout our journey of raising kids, nurturing our marriage, and pursuing education, my wife and I have fought hard to establish our lives, all while facing judgment from parents who seem to have forgotten where they were at our age. My mother lived in a questionable trailer park with my older sister during her early 20s. Similarly, my in-laws also spent time in a rundown farmhouse, not unlike the one my wife and I rented when we first got married. Their old family cars were far from impressive as well.
The truth is simple: establishing a life takes time—years, in fact. To all parents and in-laws, the next time you visit your child’s home, reflect on where you were at that age. Recognize that you didn’t have it all figured out either. Please refrain from critiquing their housing situation, appliances, vehicles, or anything else unless it’s genuinely dangerous.
Understand that your children are working diligently to make ends meet. They may wish for a bigger house, better appliances, or a newer vehicle, but they are doing their best to live within their means. That’s an accomplishment worth celebrating.
So before you comment on that slightly tilting but still functional washer or the well-worn carpet, take a moment to remember your own struggles. Consider how long it took you to achieve what you have today, and then keep those criticisms to yourself. Thank you.
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