My eldest son, Jake, is now six, and we find ourselves navigating the transitional phase between preschool and being a big kid. His challenges are becoming more complex, requiring me to think outside the box for solutions. The days of simply kissing away his boo-boos are long gone.
As he enters this new chapter of life, he’s faced with increased responsibilities. I know he would rather I handle everything as I did when he was a toddler—at times, I wish I could do that too. It certainly seems more efficient than reminding him of his tasks repeatedly.
However, having gained over three decades of life experience, I recognize that doing everything for him stunts his growth. He’s learning to be a responsible member of our family, which will, in turn, prepare him for being a contributing member of society.
Allowing Jake to tackle his new responsibilities at his own pace, while teaching him to make wise choices with his time and energy, is one of the toughest challenges I’ve faced as a mother. I want him to understand that the world won’t always wait for him. Learning to follow directions, meet deadlines, and maintain his own space are essential skills for his future success.
Since we homeschool, it’s my responsibility to impart these lessons. Unlike kids in traditional schools, Jake isn’t exposed to the natural consequences of poor social interactions or time management. He doesn’t have peers pushing him to keep up, so I think about this a lot.
I’ve noticed that when Jake struggles with a task, his typical response is to promise he’ll “try harder.” While I offer encouragement, letting him know I believe in his ability to succeed with more effort, this approach isn’t always effective.
The phrase “try harder” can be vague and confusing for children. It may imply that their lack of success is due to insufficient effort, which can be discouraging. Instead of relying on this common phrase, I’m fostering a new mindset in my children: “I could use some help.”
Recently, Jake was trying to clean his room, but after hours of effort, it was still a mess. Both of us were becoming frustrated. He kept assuring me he would do his best, but clearly, just trying harder wasn’t enough.
I walked into his room and calmly stated, “You’ve been working for a long time on this, and it’s not happening. I believe you’ve done your best, but sometimes the best option is to ask for help. If you can think of specific tasks I can assist you with, I’m here to help.”
I didn’t come in with commands. Instead, I encouraged him to identify the tasks where he needed support, allowing him to maintain ownership of the process. This approach not only preserved his sense of accomplishment but also taught him valuable lessons about leadership and delegation.
In this instance, asking for help proved to be a more effective way to teach him responsibility than leaving him to struggle alone.
A significant part of parenting involves guiding our children in making sound choices. Recognizing one’s limitations and seeking assistance from those more capable is a valuable skill that many adults lack. Often, we’re conditioned to rely solely on our own efforts, even if it leads to unnecessary struggles.
As my children grow, I intend to step back more frequently. I won’t always be there to pick up toys or help with basic math. However, I will always encourage them to seek support when needed. Acknowledging the need for help is a sign of strength, and I will also express how I can assist them.
When they face challenges, I want my kids to know they don’t have to rely solely on their own efforts. They should understand that the people around them can offer invaluable knowledge and support.
Together, we can achieve much more than we ever could alone, and that’s a crucial lesson I want my children to learn from the very beginning. For more information on family planning and other resources, check out this post on at-home insemination kits from Make A Mom. Additionally, for those looking for a comprehensive solution, BabyMaker offers an excellent product, and ACOG provides valuable information on treating infertility.
In summary, I’m moving away from the phrase “try harder” in my parenting. Instead, I’m teaching my children the importance of asking for help, recognizing their own limitations, and understanding that collaboration can lead to greater success.
Keyphrase: teaching kids to ask for help
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