Lifestyle
Being a mom can sometimes feel isolating, especially if you don’t resonate with the typical mom culture.
By Ava Collins
Updated: May 27, 2020
Originally Published: May 16, 2019
I find myself in the role of the lonely mom. It’s not that I lack common ground with other moms; we share experiences like parenting our children— I have three kids, aged 9, 7, and 5. We face the daily challenges of tantrums, joyful moments, and the chaos that comes with raising little ones. We both deal with laundry mountains and cleaning duties. We might even bond over our mutual love for coffee or our disdain for pollen. That’s usually enough to get us through playdates, but it doesn’t foster real friendships.
While I watch other moms effortlessly build meaningful connections—sharing laughter, enjoying nights out, and creating inside jokes—I find myself drifting between groups. No one is unkind; everyone is genuinely sweet. I appreciate them and am always willing to lend a hand, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t belong. The connections seem superficial, lacking depth.
I simply don’t connect with “mom culture.” It’s not my scene, nor has it ever been. My interests have always been a bit off the beaten path, and my taste in clothing reflects that—no trendy leggings or popular bags for me. Instead, I flaunt a collection of quirky T-shirts and jeans.
When conversations turn to children, I enjoy sharing stories. However, I often yearn for discussions beyond parenting. I want to talk about current events, arts, or even my latest read. Unfortunately, when I’ve attempted to steer conversations in that direction, I’ve been met with blank stares.
Music conversations leave me out too—while everyone chats about the latest hits, I’m more inclined to explore niche genres. I once tried discussing a popular musical, only to realize my reference was inappropriate for the audience.
Television is another barrier. While others are engrossed in the latest streaming hits, I find joy in obscure Syfy shows that few people even know about. My husband takes charge of cooking, which means I miss out on those discussions about the latest kitchen gadgets. And I prefer not to vent about my husband in public, which takes away yet another avenue for connection.
Instead, I find joy in talking about unusual topics like the Oxford comma or a new poetry collection I just picked up. Often, I think, “I need to share this with my friend Lucy,” who lives miles away. When your closest friends are online, real-life interactions can feel even lonelier, leading to more phone time and less genuine connection.
As Jason Isbell sings, “No one gives a damn about the things I give a damn about.” And while my reasons for feeling isolated may vary from those of other moms—whether they embrace traditional mom culture or not—we all share the underlying feelings of loneliness.
As a lonely mom, I often worry about my children becoming lonely as well. Will other moms want to invite us over for playdates? I can’t help but question if there’s something inherently wrong with me. I get along with everyone; they are nice, yet I lack a close friend to confide in or rely on for help.
That’s the heart of the loneliness: the absence of someone who truly understands me.
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Summary:
Being a lonely mom often feels isolating, especially when you don’t align with mainstream parenting culture. Despite having shared experiences, many moms struggle to form deep connections, leading to feelings of alienation. This article explores the challenges of making meaningful friendships and the worries that come with being a lonely mom.
Keyphrase: lonely mom
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