Updated: Sep. 3, 2023
Originally Published: May 15, 2023
It was an otherwise uneventful evening. I found myself sitting on the living room floor, attempting to navigate a blanket project while the last episodes of a quirky series played in the background. My daughter, 8 years old and wonderfully awkward, plopped down on the sprawling yarn that I was trying to tame. “Mom,” she asked, her face illuminated by the flickering screen above the fireplace, “Is he gay?” She pointed at a flamboyant character, and without looking up, I replied, “Yes, sweetheart, he is.”
She settled onto the unfinished blanket, playfully making invisible snow angels with her limbs. “I think I’m gay, too,” she stated matter-of-factly. A smile spread across my face. I felt an urge to jump up and envelop her in a warm embrace, to celebrate her bravery and let her know she was loved, but I chose to follow her lead. For her, this was just a simple observation, nothing to fuss over. “I think so too, honey,” I responded, keeping the moment light.
That brief conversation—just 18 words—was a pivotal moment, one she might forget when recounting her coming-out story years later. But deep down, I had known for quite some time that she was gay. The way she interacted with boys, the way her vibrant personality paused in awe when a pretty girl entered the room, her gaze that lingered on older girls, the characters she doodled in her notebooks, and the sweet Valentine’s cards she crafted for her classmate—all these signs made it evident. This was simply who she is, as intrinsic as her bright blue eyes and her artistic talents. I wouldn’t change a thing.
After tucking her in with extra kisses and snug hugs, I found my way back to the couch, beer in hand, the warmth of the fireplace enveloping me in a quiet house. Then, it hit me, and I cried. Not for the reasons you might assume. Although I had anticipated this moment, hoping it would come without tears or trauma, the reality of it all washed over me.
Memories of every hate crime I had ever heard echoed in my mind. I thought about the grim statistics—how much more likely my sweet girl is to face violence or even take her own life, how she could be denied opportunities like a job, housing, or the dream of becoming a parent. If you knew her, you would understand why it weighed so heavily on my heart. She is kind, funny, and brimming with life. Her second-grade teacher had chosen her for a special class transition because, as she put it, “She’s just so well-liked and a joy to teach. I’d take 30 kids like her.” And here she was, blissfully sleeping in her pug-themed room, her tender heart feeling more vulnerable than ever.
When she was just three, I would write my phone number on her arm with a marker whenever we ventured into crowded places, terrified of losing her. What I’m sharing now is my modern equivalent of that gesture—I want to protect my girl, and I need your help.
You may not have a child who will face the challenges mine will, but perhaps one day your child will be the person sitting next to her on a subway or walking beside her on the street. I hope you raise that child to be the kind who stands up for her if danger arises. If your child witnesses mine being bullied or harmed, I urge you to nurture the values that encourage them to intervene and support my daughter, just as I promise to raise my child to do the same for yours.
If your beliefs don’t align with being an ally to the LGBTQ community, I plead with you to focus on the aspects of your values that promote love and acceptance. Teach your children those principles. It won’t be long before I have to send my sweet girl into a world that can be harsh.
I realize this request may seem selfish, but I truly need you to cultivate a generation that will help safeguard my child in a world where many would harm her. I believe in the goodness of this generation of parents, and I hope you will join me in fostering allyship over anger.
For more insights on parenting and related topics, check out this article and this excellent resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination, or explore this guide for couples navigating their fertility journey.
Summary:
An emotional reflection from a mother whose 8-year-old daughter came out as gay. The writer shares her feelings of protectiveness and concern for her child’s future in a world that can be unkind. She urges readers to raise compassionate children who will stand up for those in need, particularly those in the LGBTQ community.
Keyphrase: Supporting LGBTQ children
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