Once upon a time, we were in similar shoes. We had spouses, children, and what seemed like a perfect family life, which may have unraveled due to infidelity or hidden struggles. Perhaps our lives were never as idyllic as they appeared on social media, or perhaps the chaos was evident to everyone. Regardless, our family dynamics have shifted, and so have our lives.
Joining the “Divorced Women’s Circle” can be quite isolating. Many of our married friends seem to drift away, perhaps because they feel they can’t relate, worry that divorce is contagious (spoiler: it’s not), or fear that all newly single friends might have eyes on their partners (not true!). It’s possible that they just don’t know how to navigate this new chapter in our lives, may hesitate to ask questions out of concern for us, or misunderstand our availability, especially since our schedules have changed.
With that in mind, here are some things we wish you understood:
- Concern for Our Kids
We worry about how our children are treated differently. They’ve been through a lot and we feel guilty about not making our relationships work, even if we tried everything. Helping them adjust to the back-and-forth between parents is tough, especially when they miss events because of the custody schedule. Anything you can do to include our kids and treat them like before would mean a lot. - Divorce Is Not Like Having a Traveling Spouse
While I’ve experienced the challenges of a spouse who travels, being divorced or a single parent is an entirely different ballgame. If you refer to yourself as a “single mom” while your partner is away, it might unintentionally offend those of us who are truly navigating life alone. We appreciate your struggles, but please understand that our experiences are distinct and often more challenging. - Outdated Dating Advice
If you’ve been married for more than five years, your dating tips might be outdated. We love that you want to engage with us about our dating lives but remember that the landscape has changed drastically with dating apps and the complications of dating as a parent. We may make mistakes, so if you could offer encouragement rather than judgment, it would be appreciated. And while your comment about not wanting to date these days is meant to connect, it can sting, as the prospect of dating again is often daunting for us. - Complaining About Spouses
There are different types of divorced friends you might encounter. Some, like me, are well-adjusted and can handle your venting. Others may be struggling and find it hard to hear you complain about a partner when they wish they had someone to share life with. Be mindful of who you’re talking to; it can be a sensitive subject. - Inclusion Matters
Please don’t forget us now that we’re single. We want to be included in outings, trips, and gatherings. It can be incredibly isolating when friends assume we wouldn’t want to join because of our status. When invited, we often feel included and normal again. If you’re unsure whether to invite us, please do. We’ll appreciate the gesture, even if we can’t make it. - We Still Have Common Interests
Though we may no longer share the experience of being wives, we still have plenty in common. We are still mothers and women who enjoy neighborhood events, shopping, dining out, and having fun. Our friendship can continue to flourish beyond our marital status. - Maximizing Our Free Time
For those of us with custody arrangements, our free weekends are precious. I personally have my kids 80% of the time. Therefore, I try to use my free weekends for socializing and recharging. If you have a free weekend and want to catch up, consider inviting your divorced friend; she’d likely love the chance to spend time with you. - Prioritizing Time with Our Kids
When we do have our kids, we often prefer to spend that time with them. While we love an occasional break, we also cherish our moments together. It’s sometimes hard to justify leaving them for an evening out, especially when we have limited time together. - Missing Important Events
Our children often miss out on special occasions because of our co-parenting arrangements. Even though we do our best, there are times when they cannot attend birthday parties or playdates. Please keep inviting them; they might make it next time! - High Stress Levels
We often feel overwhelmed trying to balance everything alone. The absence of a partner to share responsibilities can be daunting. From managing kids’ schedules to handling household tasks, the stress is real. If we’re also dating, it adds another layer of complexity, making the experience even more nerve-wracking. - Fatigue Is Real
While not quite like having a newborn, the exhaustion from juggling work, kids, and household responsibilities is palpable. Our days are filled with routines, errands, and endless to-do lists. It can be a lot, and we often feel drained at the end of the day. - We Still Value Your Friendship
Even if our lives look different, we still cherish our connections. Just because we are no longer part of a couple doesn’t mean we want to lose our friendships. We need your support now more than ever. - Communication Is Key
If you’re unsure how to navigate our new relationship, just ask! We appreciate friends who are willing to have open conversations about our feelings and the changes in our lives. - We’re Navigating This Together
Remember, we’re all on a journey. Your understanding and compassion can make a big difference as we navigate this new chapter together. - We’re Still Learning and Growing
Divorce is a process, and we’re constantly learning—about ourselves, our children, and how to navigate life as single parents. Your encouragement and patience can help us grow through this.
In summary, your divorced friends cherish your friendship and support during this challenging time. We may have changed, but we still value the connections we share and the experiences we have.
If you’re seeking more information about family dynamics and the nuances of home insemination, check out resources like this excellent guide on donor insemination. For those considering at-home options for starting a family, you can explore the impregnator at home insemination kit or the comprehensive 18-piece insemination kit that can help you on your journey.
Keyphrase: Understanding Divorced Friends
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]