I first encountered the ‘True Love Waits’ movement when I was just 13, a time when I was still figuring out my body and navigating early adolescence. I had recently started my period, had only kissed a few boys, and was still playing with dolls. Yet, in my church youth group, I was expected to make a solemn pledge to abstain from sex until marriage—a commitment that felt monumental and, frankly, absurd given my age and understanding.
At that point in my life, I was still hesitant to even wear a bra. The idea that God wanted me to protect my “gift” was reinforced by a heavy sense of responsibility. My wardrobe choices were dictated by the fear of tempting boys, leading me to avoid anything remotely revealing. The pressure was palpable, as I was told that keeping my body covered was essential to honoring God.
Conversations about sexuality were practically non-existent in my youth group. There were whispers about some boys being uninterested in girls and some girls attracted to other girls, but such topics were shunned. Shows like Will & Grace and Ellen DeGeneres were seen as taboo, leaving little room for diverse discussions about love and attraction.
When it came to learning about my body, I was woefully undereducated. I didn’t know the proper names for my anatomy, nor did I grasp the meaning behind certain sexual terms that made older peers giggle. Concepts like abortion and LGBTQ identities were condemned, yet I had little understanding of why. My body was deemed a temple, but the teachings I received left me feeling more shame than empowerment.
The silver ring I wore, emblazoned with the phrase “True Love Waits,” was a constant reminder of my commitment to purity. I believed that this promise would lead to a fairy tale ending—an ideal wedding night filled with perfect intimacy and the quick arrival of children. But I was never taught about the complexities of maintaining a healthy relationship or the nuances of sexual intimacy.
When one of our youth leaders, a girl barely older than me, became pregnant, our world was turned upside down. There was genuine concern for her wellbeing, but only hers—boys were often let off the hook in such situations. Meanwhile, it was an open secret that many teens were exploring everything except penetrative sex.
Reflecting on the limitations of ‘True Love Waits’ became especially significant when my own children began to ask questions about their bodies and relationships. One day, my eldest asked, “Mom, how do babies get into a mommy?” Although we had always maintained open dialogues about various subjects, this question marked a pivotal moment for me. It forced me to confront my own upbringing, steeped in religious indoctrination.
This initial conversation about sex was not just about the biological aspects; it opened the door to discussions about emotional connections, the Me Too movement, and the importance of consent. Thankfully, I had already taught my kids the correct names for their body parts and the significance of privacy. Since they were adopted, we had been discussing their origins honestly, which made this topic seem more approachable.
I shared age-appropriate truths about sex, feeling both nervous and relieved. With four children, the journey of educating them about relationships and intimacy is ongoing. Like many who grew up under restrictive views on sexuality, I often feel confused and conflicted about what to share.
While I don’t believe that waiting until marriage to have sex is inherently wrong, my experience with ‘True Love Waits’ was fraught with shame and misinformation. I want to empower my children to make informed choices without passing on the burdens of my past.
As I confront the remnants of my upbringing, I hope to foster a healthier understanding of relationships for my kids. Sharing my story is daunting, but I believe it’s vital for those who have lived through similar experiences to know they are not alone. We all deserve a better narrative around love and intimacy.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s experiences growing up under the ‘True Love Waits’ movement and the lasting impact on her understanding of sexuality and relationships. As a parent, she is determined to provide her children with accurate information and empower them to make informed choices, breaking the cycle of shame and misinformation associated with her upbringing.
Keyphrase: True Love Waits and Parenting
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