Trigger Warning: Suicide
“Mom, can we go build a snowman?”
This is a typical request from a child after a fresh snowfall, particularly in Apex, North Carolina, where snow is a rarity. However, it was anything but typical for me, as I had just shared the devastating news with my four-year-old daughter, Emma, that her uncle, my cherished brother, had passed away.
My brother, Mark, had gone missing in Portland, Oregon, for several days following Christmas in 2016. Our family grew increasingly concerned when we couldn’t reach him. Ultimately, we received the heart-wrenching news that Mark had taken his own life.
After researching how to address the sensitive topic of suicide with a young child, my husband and I conveyed to Emma that her uncle had died because his mind was unwell. We did our utmost to answer her questions in an age-appropriate manner, all while tears streamed down our faces.
That day felt like it marked the end of my world; however, for Emma, life continued. So, we bundled up and built that snowman.
“To be a good mother while my heart was breaking was one of the hardest roles I’ve ever had to play.” — Word Porn
It’s remarkable how resilient children can be during tough times. One moment, they can be engulfed in sorrow, and the next, they’re ready to play. As mothers, we often find ourselves dancing between our own grief and our children’s needs. Despite life’s challenges—be it financial struggles, relationship issues, or deep sorrow—we strive to be the rock for our kids, pouring out love even when our hearts feel heavy.
So, how do we find the strength to navigate our emotions while supporting our children during such trying times? While I don’t have a definitive answer, here are some insights I’ve gained along my journey.
Take It One Day at a Time
It’s completely normal for mothers to experience a spectrum of emotions during challenging periods. Just as it’s okay for our children to have their ups and downs, we too must allow ourselves to feel. Removing the pressure to be a superhero parent is crucial. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and sometimes, it simply takes time. Let go of anxiety and remind yourself that you are doing your best, moment by moment, and hold onto the hope that tomorrow brings new possibilities.
Finding Balance Between Child Resilience and Self-Care
While it’s incredible to witness a child’s resilience, it can be tiring for a mother who is facing hardships head-on. I didn’t want to build a snowman after sharing the news about my brother, but I knew it was important for Emma. Perhaps we can learn from our children’s ability to be resilient, but in the meantime, prioritize your own self-care. It’s essential to recharge so you can better support your child’s emotional landscape. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.
Children Absorb What They Observe
During a counseling session, I voiced my concerns to my therapist about not being a good mother to my daughters due to my persistent sadness. I feared they would suffer as a result. She reassured me that they were absorbing lessons that couldn’t be taught: empathy and compassion. They were witnessing the reality that life doesn’t always go as planned and that it is acceptable to express emotions genuinely. They were learning that experiencing “high highs” and “low lows” is part of striving for progress.
The Simple Comfort of a Cup of Tea
If only it were true that a cup of tea could solve everything. While it may not be a literal fix, it symbolizes the small comforts that matter most, especially to children. It’s the little things that create lasting memories. During challenging times, we might feel overwhelmed with tasks or want to shut ourselves off from the world, losing sight of what truly matters. I’ve discovered that when I set aside my to-do list and engage with my child, even for just five minutes, everything feels a bit clearer. Parenting is about being present with the child who needs you right now.
The ebb and flow of the mother-child relationship is one of the most beautiful experiences. The love and communication between partners in this bond is admirable. While some days will be more challenging than others, life is always a rhythm, so let’s strive to be the best partners we can be in this dance of motherhood.
This article was originally published on May 6, 2019.
Summary
In the aftermath of losing a loved one, navigating the complexities of parenting can be profoundly challenging. The author shares her experience of coping with grief while supporting her young daughter. Emphasizing the importance of self-care, resilience, and the lessons children learn through observation, the piece explores the emotional journey of motherhood amidst sorrow.
Keyphrase: Parenting Through Grief
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