It often begins with a significant life change—a major transition, such as welcoming a new child into the family. For me, it all started after my third baby was born. Initially, I chalked it up to the stress of managing three children. But as time went on, I found myself erupting in anger unexpectedly.
It wasn’t just the major incidents, like my 4-year-old coloring the walls. It was the little things, like my toddler scattering Duplos across the floor. The sound of those blocks crashing down sent a jolt of frustration through me. Even the simplest requests could trigger a wave of unprovoked anger. When my child would say, “Mom, I’m hungry,” I’d snap back, “You just ate! Can’t you see I’m busy?”
Afterward, guilt would wash over me. I loved my children dearly and never intended to hurt them. Yet, the cycle of yelling continued, leaving me feeling like a terrible person. I thought I was facing a personal anger issue, and I felt utterly alone. Who loses their temper like that? Who experiences such overwhelming feelings? Little did I know, like so many other mothers, my anxiety disorder was merely presenting itself as anger.
I eventually discovered the truth in a conversation with my therapist, who was following up on my postpartum anxiety. In a moment of vulnerability, I confessed, “I feel awful for my kids. I have no patience left.” She reassured me gently, saying, “It’s a symptom of anxiety. Often, anxiety shows itself as stress, which can then turn into anger. You’re not mad at your children; you’re scared. This is quite common.”
Relief washed over me as I realized I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t a monster; I was an anxious mother like many others. That validation was a lifesaver.
Fast forward three years, and I still manage my anxiety with medication, which has evolved from postpartum anxiety to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). My anger wasn’t a sudden transformation; it was rooted in anxiety and fear—fear of not being able to maintain control in my home or meet my children’s needs.
Now, I recognize the signs. I can feel my anxiety bubbling up as clutter accumulates or when I feel overwhelmed. For those of us with anxiety, even a small mess can trigger feelings of dread, a fear that things might spiral out of control.
Imagine the chaos of a morning routine. Your little one can’t find their shoes, and frustration mounts. You realize you’ve left the car keys behind, and when you finally retrieve them, your child resists getting into their car seat. The frustration reaches a boiling point, and you shout, “Why can’t you do this right? You’re not a baby!” In that moment, your heart aches, knowing your anger is misplaced and stems from your own anxiety.
Living with an anxiety disorder that manifests as anger means daily battles to manage emotions, confront disarray, and check in with oneself. It requires immense effort and self-awareness, and sometimes, it all becomes too much. You lose your composure and lash out at those you cherish most. That’s perhaps the hardest part to bear.
If you’re navigating similar challenges, know you’re not alone. For more insights on managing anxiety, consider exploring resources like this one or check out this blog post for helpful tips on self-care. Additionally, this kit can offer support as you embark on your journey to motherhood.
In summary, recognizing that anxiety can manifest as anger was a turning point for me. It helped me understand that I wasn’t a monster but an individual grappling with an illness. Embracing this perspective has been crucial in my journey as a mother.
Keyphrase: anxiety disorder in mothers
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