As I navigated the chaotic early months of my daughter’s life, it became clear to me that she was destined to be an only child. I vividly recall cradling my wailing baby and turning to my partner, David, asking, “How on earth did our friends manage this while also raising toddlers?” To this day, I remain baffled by their superhuman abilities.
Now that my daughter is two, the question of “When are you going to have another baby?” has become all too familiar. Incredibly, this inquiry began even before my first child was born, which is wild considering I had no idea how I would feel about motherhood. With a toddler in the mix, there’s a growing pressure from society to consider expanding our family—and honestly, it induces a fair amount of anxiety!
Friends and family often say, “Don’t you want your child to have a playmate?” or “Isn’t it important for her to have a sibling?” While those sentiments sound lovely, numerous factors contribute to our decision to remain in the ‘one and done’ camp. Here are my top ten reasons for choosing to raise an only child:
- Exhaustion is Real.
David and I both work full-time, and by the time we return home, prepare dinner, and tuck our daughter into bed, we’re utterly drained. Typically, we collapse onto the couch, scrolling through our phones or staring blankly at the TV before we can muster the energy to sleep. The thought of rocking a newborn in the middle of the night? That ship has sailed! I admire those who manage to do it again—truly, they’re incredible. - Lack of Sleep is a Game Changer.
If you’re familiar with the classic tale of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” you’ll understand my plight. I’m generally the cheerful Dr. Jekyll when I’ve had sufficient rest, but without it, I transform into the irritable Mr. Hyde. I was so sleep-deprived when my daughter was a newborn that I once sobbed and pleaded with David to take her back to the hospital. I don’t ever want to experience that level of exhaustion again, especially with a lively two-year-old to keep up with. - Personal Time Matters.
This may be a controversial statement, but I crave a life outside of work and family obligations. Many might find that shocking, but it’s crucial for me to carve out time for myself. Recently, I’ve taken up meditation and explored my spirituality, which has been refreshing. Spending time away from my family allows me to recharge and enhances my appreciation for the moments we share. - Childcare Expenses are Astronomical.
In California, I pay over $1,000 monthly for part-time toddler care. Thankfully, our parents help out, but adding another child to the mix would stretch our finances incredibly thin. The reality is that we’d have to cut back on enjoyable activities like going out for dinners or trips to the zoo. I prefer to focus on adding joy to our lives rather than scrimping and saving excessively. - Don’t Want to Tempt Fate.
I’ve heard countless stories of parents who felt secure with their first child, only to find their second was a total curveball. I’m uncertain if I possess the patience to handle such a jarring transition, and I’m not inclined to risk the peaceful life we’ve created by introducing potential chaos. - Missing Time with My Partner.
It’s been ages since David and I had a date night—just the two of us. I miss our connection beyond discussing our daughter’s latest antics. Welcoming another child would only complicate our ability to spend quality time together, and I cherish the moments we can share as a couple. - College Savings Are Daunting.
After researching college costs, the figures left me shocked and a bit disheartened. With tuition and room and board for public colleges averaging over $21,000 a year, I want to ensure my daughter has the opportunity to pursue higher education. It seems feasible to save for one child, but two? That feels like an insurmountable challenge. - Dreaming of Family Adventures.
While I focus on saving for my daughter’s education, I also dream of taking her on memorable family vacations. David envisions trips to the East Coast, while I dream of international travel. These experiences would be more manageable with just one child. - My Own Joy as an Only Child.
Growing up, I was vocal about wanting to be an only child. I thrived with my imagination and had the freedom to explore various interests—from pets to extracurricular activities—without having to share. This provided me with opportunities that shaped who I am today. - No Guarantees in Sibling Relationships.
As I’ve dealt with loss in my life, I’ve occasionally wished for a sibling to share my experiences with. However, I’ve come to realize that sibling relationships are not guaranteed to be close or fulfilling. My husband, David, has siblings he’s not particularly close to, highlighting the unpredictability that comes with family dynamics.
These are just some of the reasons why David and I have embraced the idea of remaining a family of three—the “Three Musketeers,” as we affectionately call ourselves. This choice feels right for us, but I understand it may not suit everyone. I’ve seen larger families navigate similar challenges with grace, so ultimately, it’s about finding what works best for you. If you’re seeking support for your decision to go the “one and done” route, I’m here for you.
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Summary
This article discusses the author’s personal reasons for deciding to raise an only child. Key points include the exhaustion of parenting, the importance of personal time, financial considerations, and the desire for a fulfilling partnership. The author expresses a strong commitment to the “one and done” approach, while acknowledging that each family’s situation is unique.
Keyphrase: “one and done parenting”
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