This year marked my first funeral in over a decade. Despite the sweltering summer heat and an unexpected downpour at the cemetery, the setting felt hauntingly familiar. Fifteen years earlier, on a bleak winter afternoon, I stood in the same spot with my mother and grandmother, our hands linked in a somber game of red rover for my grandfather, who had passed away. This summer, it was my grandmother’s turn to leave us behind. Now, it was just my mother and me, our grip on each other tightening in a silent vow to support one another through the grief that lay ahead.
As Mother’s Day approaches, the weather has warmed, and my children have already begun their school projects, crafting handprints, lace-covered hearts, and Crayola sunflowers featuring their smiling faces. Yet, my own mother faces this holiday for the first time as someone who is motherless, grappling with the love she has known and lost. So, I write this message for her and for all the mothers who find themselves reaching for a hand that is no longer there.
To the mothers of young children:
I understand you will find photos on your phone, your fridge, or your social media that will bring you face-to-face with the person you miss dearly. On this Mother’s Day, as you wake up feeling exhausted, I know you will smile when your children bring you burnt pancakes in bed. You will cherish every homemade gift, whether it’s art from school or messy hugs. As you help them get dressed and remind them of polite manners during your celebratory meal, your heart may ache with the longing for the mother you, too, wish you could embrace.
You may not show them all the tears you want to shed in memory of the woman who came before you. I know that snippets of your conversations with her will accompany you throughout the day, making the absence feel more pronounced. At some point, you’ll step away, taking quick, shallow breaths before allowing yourself to cry like the child you sometimes wish you still were. That’s perfectly okay; we all need to release our emotions like that occasionally. Children have a way of expressing sorrow that leaves us feeling both spent and refreshed.
But I also know you will smile again for the little hands checking on you. You’ll end the day as it began—with kisses, pajamas, and warm bodies beside you to soothe your soul. I hope you find comfort in their presence, allowing those bedtime rituals to help you unwind as you reflect on the day that held both joy and heartache.
To the mothers of mothers:
I know you will sift through old photographs in your attic or albums, holding onto memories a little longer, tracing the outlines of a life you wish you could revisit. You may want to call your children but will refrain until they reach out to you—letting them celebrate the day with breakfast in bed, homemade cards, and morning cuddles first. This is how you mother now, with patience and understanding of the traditions you once performed.
When you do speak with your children, I know you will smile through the phone as they share their laughter, tears, and everyday chaos. You will feel joy for their happiness, yet the silence that follows their call will echo loudly in your heart, reminding you of the memories you can no longer create. You will also have conversations with your own mother, sharing all the thoughts you wish you could voice if she were still here. As the day unfolds, you will embody many roles: the mother, the grandmother, and yes, the child who longs for her mother. It’s okay to experience all these emotions. When the night falls, I hope you reflect on the many Mother’s Days that have passed and those yet to come.
To all mothers navigating this complex reality of being a motherless mother, know that you are not alone. You don’t have to fit into a single role. You can cry with the innocence of a child while holding the hands of your own, no matter their age. You can be the woman in the game of red rover, calling out to the other side even as you stand here. Mother’s Day is a day of honor, a time for both celebration and remembrance.
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Summary:
This heartfelt message speaks to mothers who are experiencing Mother’s Day without their own mothers. It acknowledges the deep longing and emotional complexity that comes with such a loss, while also celebrating the joy of motherhood. The author encourages readers to embrace all their emotions and reminds them that they are not alone in their grief.