“We should definitely arrange for our girls to hang out,” said Sarah, the mother of my daughter’s friend, as we enjoyed a casual chat at the local skating rink. “What’s your number?”
As I shared my contact, I knew I wouldn’t be sending my daughter to their home alone.
Yes, I’m “that” mom—the one often deemed overprotective. I’ve been told I should “just let kids be kids.” While some may use that label negatively, it doesn’t bother me. I take pride in being cautious regarding my children’s safety.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I realize my mom was similarly protective. I wasn’t allowed to attend sleepovers until middle school, and only if she knew the friend’s parents well. My outings to the mall or cinema didn’t happen until high school. While my peers were dating in sixth grade, my parents set strict dating rules that didn’t allow me to date until I was a sophomore, and even then, there were limitations. If I broke those rules, I lost my privileges.
At the time, I felt furious. Why were my parents so strict? What was the big deal? I imagined my friends having fun without me, while I sulked in my room, blasting my favorite music and scribbling in my diary about how unfair everything was.
As I grew older, I began to understand that my parents’ strict boundaries were their way of protecting me. They weren’t being overly controlling; they were simply ensuring I was mature enough to make good choices and recognize when to ask for help in difficult situations.
This awareness began early. In third grade, I received my first sleepover invitation, which my parents promptly declined. I was devastated, picturing my friends enjoying a weekend movie marathon while I missed out. They allowed me to hang out for a few hours before picking me up later that night. My mom later explained that many of my friends had older siblings or parents with boyfriends who might not be safe. It was better to be cautious than to regret it.
Now, as a mother myself, I appreciate the decisions my parents made. I’ve seen friends whose parents allowed too much freedom at a young age, resulting in poor choices or unfortunate incidents that could have been avoided.
Recently, my daughter asked if a friend could come over on a Friday night. I agreed, sought out the mom on social media, and sent her a message. The mom responded positively, and I envisioned us chatting over a glass of wine while the girls played.
When the mom and her daughter arrived, we exchanged pleasantries, but then she announced she was off to dinner and would return in two hours. To my surprise, she didn’t step inside my home. She hadn’t inquired about our household safety measures, such as whether we owned any firearms or if my daughter had older siblings. I was left with just a few names and phone numbers.
I was taken aback—not because I imagined worst-case scenarios, but because she was entrusting her child to someone she barely knew. I wondered if the cell phone she left with her daughter was enough to give her peace of mind.
The girls had a great time until the mom returned. As we talked briefly, she invited my daughter for a visit, urging us to set a date. I hesitated, unsure how to express that I wasn’t comfortable dropping my tween off at a home I knew nothing about without sounding rude.
Concerns about my child’s safety flooded my mind. I worried about what her friend’s older siblings might expose her to, or if dangerous individuals might visit. My concerns extend to everything from gun safety to drugs and even the threat of sexual assault. These are real dangers we face daily, and as my daughter’s mom, my priority is her safety and well-being.
To find a balance, I propose meeting other parents and their children in public places like parks or skating rinks. This way, I can assess the parents and their environment. If I feel comfortable, I might agree to visit their home while we chat over coffee. But I won’t drop my daughter off based on mere introductions or phone exchanges.
Building trust takes time, and I want my children to learn that it’s okay to take their time getting to know someone and to listen to their instincts. I don’t mind being seen as uncool or unpopular if it means protecting them from potential harm. I would rather have them experience temporary frustration with me than face the lasting trauma of a preventable tragedy.
I know I won’t always make perfect decisions. I may sometimes lean toward being overly protective. However, I’d rather err on the side of caution than regret a choice made too hastily.
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In summary, I believe in prioritizing my children’s safety over fitting in. Establishing boundaries based on cautiousness is a valid approach to parenting, ensuring that they learn the importance of knowing and trusting their instincts.
Keyphrase: Why I Don’t Allow My Tween to Attend Drop-Off Playdates
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