Being Southern is something I cherish. Our culture has a distinct charm: flavorful dishes that pack a punch, a strong sense of community etiquette like saying “excuse me” when we cross paths, and let’s not forget, the humidity that works wonders on our skin and hair.
However, while I take pride in my Southern roots, there are aspects of our culture that I struggle with. The most glaring issue is, of course, the deep-seated racism that pervades our society. Following closely behind is a less frequently discussed practice: spanking, or as some might call it, “whooping” children.
In the South, there’s immense pressure on kids to behave impeccably, especially for Black children. The fear of embarrassing your family or being told you lack “home training” can lead to harsh consequences, often physical ones.
Growing up Black in the South, it was almost expected that I would receive and witness corporal punishment. This was seen as a norm, a cultural expectation deeply rooted in the authoritarian parenting style that many Black children encounter. The reasons for this practice are widely debated: some attribute it to the remnants of slavery, while others argue it’s a misguided preparation for a world that can be unforgiving. It’s a troubling thought.
The intentions behind physical discipline may be well-meaning, and I, like many Black parents, strive to find effective ways to protect my kids from the harsh realities of racism. However, I’ve come to realize that a spanking isn’t the solution. It’s disheartening that so many Black parents believe the only way to safeguard their children is to inflict pain on them. I admit that I, too, have been caught in this mindset before.
The reality is that research shows physical discipline yields many negative outcomes. My own experiences, rather than scientific studies, convinced me that spanking wasn’t effective. As a child, I often found myself in trouble—not for serious infractions but simply for being too talkative. Unfortunately, the educational system often does not distinguish between different types of misbehavior, leading to excessively harsh punishments that simply reinforced my rebellious spirit.
In kindergarten, I experienced formal punishment when the principal had the power to paddle students. At first glance, it seemed I was just facing the consequences of my chatter, but when considering that Black girls are disproportionately subjected to severe disciplinary actions, it became evident that the system was stacked against me from the start.
I was regularly punished at school and occasionally spanked at home, yet neither strategy curbed my behavior. The underlying issue was not misbehavior; it was a lack of challenge in the classroom. I craved stimulation and engagement, yet very few educators were willing to see past my talkative nature to recognize my potential.
Now, as a parent, I see those same strong-willed traits in my son. I understand that traditional forms of discipline would fail him as they did me. It’s a challenge to raise him in a way that contradicts my upbringing, especially when I feel the societal gaze judging my every response to his misbehavior.
Nonetheless, I persist in seeking parenting methods that teach my kids to handle racism while maintaining respect, without resorting to physical punishment. I recognize that I don’t always live up to my ideals, and there have been moments when I’ve reverted to old habits. But each time, I remind myself of my commitment to non-violence in parenting. It demands conscious effort and deliberate choices to break the cycle.
I know I’m not alone in this journey. Many Black parents share a desire to equip their children to face the world’s challenges without resorting to hitting. Each moment of frustration reinforces the belief that no one has the right to harm my children—not even me.
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In summary, while I embrace my Southern heritage, I choose to challenge the norms around parenting that advocate for physical discipline. I strive to raise my children in a way that honors their dignity and prepares them for the realities of the world without resorting to violence.
Keyphrase: “non-violent parenting in the South”
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