Last Thursday began with me cooking scrambled eggs, fruit, and toast for my two young children. With a 4-year-old and a nearly 2-year-old, it’s a quick breakfast option I know they’ll enjoy. I don’t often serve cereal, not due to concerns about sugar, but because my youngest finds immense joy in turning a bowl of milk and Cheerios into a mini disaster. I’d much rather clean a pan and a cutting board than deal with a cereal milk mess and an extra bath for her.
As my kids enjoyed breakfast, I moved through the house, tidying up and replacing dirty towels with fresh ones. Then, I eagerly awaited a knock at the door. You see, I recently penned an article about hiring a housekeeper, and Thursday marked her first day on the job. Normally, Thursdays are my dedicated cleaning days, but this time, a wonderful woman came into my home to handle the heavy lifting. While I made sure everything was organized, the scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping were off my plate. I finally felt a sense of relief.
She’ll be visiting every two weeks, which has already significantly lightened my load. I now know that regardless of how hectic or challenging my weeks might be, I’ll get a fresh start every two weeks.
While the housekeeper got to work, I took the opportunity to color with my son as we awaited my daughter’s nap to conclude. The following morning, I wasn’t drained from the usual attempts at deep-cleaning and child-rearing. I didn’t feel frustrated about unfinished tasks from the day before. It was one of the most enjoyable Friday mornings I’ve had in a while—smooth and effortless.
We were heading out for a family wedding that weekend, and I felt no overwhelming anxiety about returning to a messy home. Instead of cleaning the day before our trip, I focused on packing. For once, my family left on time for our road trip, which is practically a miracle. I usually feel frantic before leaving, but not this time.
Changes often take a while to evaluate, but it was immediately clear to me and my family that hiring a housekeeper was the right decision. The best decision.
When I shared my experience of hiring a housekeeper, the feedback was mostly positive. Many readers chimed in, sharing their own satisfaction with having help at home. Others expressed a desire to afford it if they could. However, some reacted negatively to the idea of a woman making a choice they wouldn’t personally make. Comments ranged from accusations of privilege—something I acknowledge—to labeling me as lazy or questioning my decision to hire someone for tasks I could manage myself.
Many of these critiques stem from the perception that housework should be the sole responsibility of the parent who spends the most time at home. This notion shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. The reality is that housework often falls to mothers, even when both parents work. It’s disheartening that house duties are sometimes viewed as a penance for not contributing financially to the household.
Let’s be clear: if you stay home to care for your children, you are financially contributing to your household. Managing errands, appointments, budgeting, and cooking is significant work—work that has real value. It’s time we stop perpetuating the outdated notion that staying home means shouldering every responsibility that isn’t “bringing home the bacon.”
Let’s also clarify that my husband isn’t oblivious to my daily contributions. He understands the savings I provide by being home and how hiring a housekeeper offers me time to engage in more valuable activities. He respects my autonomy in deciding how I spend my time, and I extend that same respect to him.
No, I won’t be catering to outdated expectations regarding my marital duties. If you find that assumption bothersome, perhaps you should reflect on your own biases.
Now, let me share a glimpse into my “nothing” routine: I’m currently advocating for my gifted and autistic son within the school system, pushing for necessary accommodations. Just last night, I spent over four hours on calls with educators seeking guidance and making appointments. My mornings are filled with conversations with lawyers, advocates, and therapists, as I send off assessments and reports to those who can help navigate this complex system.
After that, I took a moment to snuggle my son because sometimes you need to just hold your child. I still have a long list of tasks ahead concerning his education, yet here I am, writing this instead of dusting ceiling fans.
When I hired a housekeeper, my children didn’t gain a “Get Out of Chores Free” card. They may be young, but they’re learning to pick up their toys and help with meals. We all contribute to our family, and they witness my cleaning efforts beyond just the bi-weekly visits.
Even if I had all day to do nothing, why should that upset anyone? Why does my choice to hire help provoke such strong reactions? Some believe mothers should stay home and maintain immaculate households while being perpetually available for their husbands. But I contend that the world would be better off if more people recognized that women can make choices independent of societal expectations.
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In summary, hiring a housekeeper was a significant decision that eased my burden and allowed me to focus on more meaningful tasks and family time. It’s crucial to recognize the value of contributions made by all parents, regardless of whether they stem from home or work.