By: Sarah Thompson
My oldest daughter invited a friend over for a sleepover just before their high school orientation, so I found myself accompanying them through a lengthy seminar and tour of their expansive new school. I wasn’t familiar with her friend, who seemed rather reserved, so I opted not to bombard him with too many questions.
As we headed back to the car, we passed a group of students chatting. One boy paused mid-sentence to greet my daughter’s friend by name. To my disbelief, he responded with a scowl, made a strange noise, and laughed in that boy’s face. The boy who had greeted him looked taken aback, clearly caught off guard by the rude treatment.
I was uncertain how to react. Although this boy wasn’t mine, he was under my care for the moment, and I felt a responsibility to address his behavior. My initial impulse was to confront him right then and there in front of everyone, but I didn’t want to shame him publicly.
Instead, I decided to break the tension by greeting the boy who had said hello and asking him how he was doing. Once we were in the car, my daughter turned to me and said, “Mom, please don’t say anything,” as if she could predict my response before I even spoke.
I won’t lie; witnessing such blatant rudeness was infuriating. I couldn’t help but wonder what this friend’s behavior would be like when adults weren’t around. Did I really want my daughter spending time with someone who treated others poorly?
“What was that about?” I asked him. “That boy tried to say hello to you, and you responded with a laugh and a weird noise. That was unkind and probably hurt his feelings.” He stared blankly at me, not saying a word.
“How would you feel if someone did that to you in front of your friends?” Silence filled the car.
“Being a teenager is challenging enough. It’s important to be kind to one another. You don’t have to be friends, but simply responding with a polite ‘hello’ takes far less effort than what you did.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he replied. “I just don’t know him. We just met in the group and now he thinks we’re friends.”
“Oh, what a tragedy to make a new friend,” I said, injecting a bit of humor to lighten the mood. I was using “dude” to keep things casual, hoping that my daughter would hear the lesson without feeling too lectured.
“Okay, Mom,” she said. “Can we just go now?” Clearly, she was as uncomfortable as I was with the situation.
Despite the awkwardness, I hoped that addressing her friend’s behavior would encourage him to think twice before being disrespectful again.
As parents, we often feel overwhelmed by our own children’s behavior, but it doesn’t mean we should ignore unkindness when we see it in others, especially when it affects our kids. It’s essential to step in and address such behavior constructively. If I witnessed my child acting unkindly, I would want someone to speak up, remind them about empathy, and emphasize the importance of treating others well.
Too often, we let bad behavior slide because we are busy or unsure about how to intervene. This leaves the heavy lifting to teachers and other parents who are already stretched thin. If we all took a moment to address unkindness, we could foster a culture of empathy and accountability among our kids.
Even if my daughter’s friend didn’t grasp the lesson immediately, I did notice he refrained from similar behavior around me afterward. It was clear my daughter knew what was coming as soon as I started to speak, which reassured me that I was setting a good example.
Does this mean my children are perfect? Absolutely not. All kids can exhibit less-than-stellar behavior, particularly when they think no one is watching. But if we don’t address these moments—even with a simple reminder that they can do better—those behaviors may become habitual.
A community that collectively engages in fostering kindness creates a safer, more nurturing environment for our children to flourish. So, if you witness someone being unkind, don’t hesitate to speak up. There’s no reason to allow bullying to go unchallenged. Addressing bad behavior can be done kindly and directly.
Ultimately, whether I made an impression on my daughter’s friend that day remains uncertain. However, I do know that he has not behaved that way around me again.
In the end, parenting is a journey filled with learning opportunities for both us and our children. Emphasizing kindness, empathy, and accountability is essential in helping our kids grow into compassionate adults.
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Summary:
In this article, I share an experience with my daughter’s friend who acted rudely towards another student. Instead of confronting him aggressively, I chose to address his behavior in a constructive manner, emphasizing the importance of kindness and empathy. I reflect on the challenges of parenting and the need for community support in addressing unkindness among children.
Keyphrase: Responding to Teen Rudeness
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