Why My Kids Aren’t In Extracurricular Activities: We Prefer Staying Home

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“I know it sounds silly,” she admitted as we sat at the skating rink, watching our daughters twirl and laugh together. It took us several months to coordinate a playdate because her family of five was juggling an astounding nine extracurricular activities.

She described how each of her three children was engaged in three sports simultaneously, leaving their weeks—and every weekend—completely packed with games and practices. They had recently moved into a beautiful home with a pool and open space for soccer, yet those amenities hardly got any use. “We just can’t find the time,” she sighed.

I smiled and shared that our family operates quite differently. Our four kids are limited to one activity at a time, and there are often stretches where our schedule is completely free. Her reaction was familiar and echoed a sentiment I’ve heard repeatedly.

She took pride in her hectic lifestyle, spending hours in her SUV, ferrying her kids from one event to another, her car filled with snacks and sports equipment. Yet, she also confessed her exhaustion, clutching a large coffee and wishing for more time to do other things.

Her kids typically didn’t start homework until 9 p.m., and she struggled to remember the last time she and her husband had a moment to themselves, joking that they could catch up on that once the kids were off to college.

And weekends? They were even more chaotic, filled with out-of-town baseball tournaments. On the rare weekends they stayed local, they had three-hour practices on Sundays, followed by school projects that she sometimes ended up completing herself because her kids were too worn out. They would squeeze in music lessons and tutoring early on Saturday mornings.

Listening to her schedule made me feel weary just imagining it. Like many other parents, she seemed to seek validation through her children’s participation in numerous activities, convinced that doing so would make them smarter, faster, and better. But I pondered—while we all aim for our children to be well-rounded and engaged in their communities, at what cost?

Can teamwork, discipline, and confidence be nurtured in less stressful, less expensive ways? I believe the answer is yes, and I hope it is.

I recognize our choice to limit extracurricular activities is unconventional and not widely accepted. However, with the growing evidence highlighting the negative effects of over-scheduling children, I feel confident in our family’s decision.

“What do you do with all the free time?” she asked, pausing for a sip of her coffee. I explained that we prioritize unstructured play, creativity, and family bonding.

Friday nights are reserved for buttery popcorn and family-friendly films. Saturday mornings, my husband and kids whip up pancakes while I enjoy a rare sleep-in (yes, I do!). We might play basketball, ride bikes, run errands, or invite friends over for dinner. Sunday mornings are spent at church, followed by home projects in the afternoon. A few weekends a year, we visit extended family or my kids’ birth families.

In essence, our weekends belong to us, not coaches or instructors. We don’t adhere to anyone else’s schedule, and we appreciate this lifestyle.

My kids aren’t isolated from social interactions. My oldest is enrolled in ballet, attending one 45-minute class weekly. My second daughter, who played basketball in winter, is beginning drum lessons for just half an hour each week. My six-year-old son is starting a five-week ninja warrior class on Saturday afternoons. As for my toddler, her main activity is trailing her siblings. I haven’t found joy in Mommy-and-Me classes.

Our life may seem dull compared to the packed schedules of other families, but the reality is that our family thrives in peace, happiness, and creativity. We cherish our no-alarm-clock Saturdays and our fort-building Sundays. During summer, we swim together for hours, listening to music, welcoming friends, and enjoying melting popsicles.

I have a limited time to raise my children, and these unscheduled, organic moments are invaluable. They are essential. Together, we’re creating lasting memories and experiencing the joy of simply being present. In many ways, this is the greatest adventure.

This lifestyle isn’t suitable for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m not anxious about my kids’ college applications or whether they can play the piano by age four. For us, running through the sprinkler is what matters, and my children are more than content.

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Summary:

The author discusses her decision to limit her children’s extracurricular activities, contrasting it with a friend’s hectic schedule. She emphasizes the importance of family time, creativity, and unstructured play, arguing that these experiences are crucial for their happiness and development. The article advocates for a balanced lifestyle, free from the stress of over-scheduling, allowing for meaningful memories and connections.

Keyphrase: Limiting Extracurricular Activities

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