For the first few years of my son’s life, I was simply “Mom.” There were no elaborate titles or descriptors. As time passed, however, we began to notice that his behavior diverged from typical developmental patterns, ultimately leading to his first diagnosis at four and a half: Severe ADHD, Combined Type. With that label came mine: Special Needs Mom.
This shift meant that my identity transformed from an ordinary parent involved in school activities and sports to someone navigating a new reality filled with numerous diagnoses—our exuberant seven-year-old now carries five labels. This also meant I began to view my friends through a different lens. You, who once were just a friend or a family member, now became “Neurotypical Mom,” while your child is considered “normal.”
The term “normal” often carries a certain stigma in mental health discussions, so we refer to your child’s average achievements as neurotypical, perhaps to avoid offending someone—though I’m not entirely sure who that might be. So here we are: you as the Neurotypical Mom and me as the Special Needs Mom, but unless someone notices our outward differences—like your well-groomed appearance compared to my chaotic look—we’re often seen as similar by society. The expectations placed on us, and typically our kids, remain the same.
Some Truths About Life as a Special Needs Mom
I want to share some truths about my life as a Special Needs Mom that my Neurotypical friends might not be aware of:
- Our Successes Are Different
In our home, we celebrate unique milestones. Dance parties and family outings might revolve around a day with no broken things, using words instead of physical outbursts, or finishing a task without a meltdown. Milestones that you might take for granted are monumental for us. - We Sometimes Feel Resentful
When your seemingly “normal” child expresses frustration, it’s easy to feel a pang of jealousy. When you mention your challenges, like feeling embarrassed by your child’s behavior in public, I want to remind you how different our experiences are. But I hold back—everyone’s journey is different, and that’s okay. - Asking for Help is Tough
Parenting is exhausting, but parenting a child with special needs can be on a whole different level. Imagine the fatigue of managing a newborn while juggling a toddler, amplified endlessly. We can’t just reach out to anyone for help, as many of our children face challenges that require specific care. Finding trustworthy support can be a daunting task, and asking for it feels heavy. - Worry is Constant
We’re always worried—about therapies, school, and their futures. While you may ponder things like social dynamics, I’m concerned about the numbers regarding substance abuse or worse for children like mine. Those worries can feel overwhelming. - Some Days Are Hard
This doesn’t take away from our love for our children. We fight for them, educate others, and advocate fiercely. Yet, many of us feel unrecognizable—overshadowed by endless fatigue and a sense of isolation. The stress on our relationships can be significant, as statistics show higher divorce rates among parents of special needs children.
In essence, we need your support and understanding. We value your friendship more than you know. We might not always be able to join in, but your invitations, meals, and willingness to lend a hand would mean the world to us. Please continue to reach out, even when it seems like we might not be able to reciprocate.
If you’re interested in learning more about navigating parenthood, check out this article about a couple’s fertility journey for intracervical insemination on Make a Mom. For more information on home insemination, BabyMaker at Home is a great resource. Additionally, American Pregnancy provides excellent guidance on donor insemination.
Summary
Navigating the life of a Special Needs Mom comes with unique challenges and triumphs that often differ from those of Neurotypical parents. Understanding these differences can foster empathy and connection, reinforcing the importance of friendship and support in our parenting journeys.
Keyphrase: Special Needs Parenting Challenges
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