From a young age, I never envisioned myself as a mother. The typical life plan of “husband and 2.5 kids” wasn’t for me. Instead, I dreamt of cozy evenings with a premium Netflix subscription, living near a subway station, and a Pembroke Welsh Corgi by my side. I know, my aspirations might seem a bit lofty, but those dogs are undeniably adorable—despite their shedding.
When I began writing a dating column for Conde Nast’s now-defunct JANE magazine, I certainly didn’t expect to meet my soulmate. Yet, during a blind date at my favorite NYC café (71 Irving in Gramercy—highly recommend it!), I found my best friend. It sounds cliché, but it was true.
We dated, moved in together, and three years later, we exchanged vows in a Ukrainian Catholic Church in Toronto. We wore crowns as part of a beautiful tradition—our own little royal wedding, albeit with just 15 guests and a priest in leather sandals. You get the picture.
While I cherished my husband and the life we were crafting together, the idea of having children didn’t appeal to me. My husband, however, was destined to be a father. Watching him interact with our friends’ kids melted my heart. He’s a serious guy who sometimes struggles with eye contact, but around children, he transforms into a playful and relaxed version of himself.
Years later, when I discovered I was pregnant, I felt a mix of fear and excitement at embarking on this journey together. To my astonishment, I found pregnancy to be wonderful. All the dreaded symptoms like swollen feet or mood swings never appeared. I was so content that I nearly wished for the experience to last a little longer (though I definitely missed seeing my feet and being able to shave). Having this little life in our world was becoming more delightful each day.
Once our son turned nine months old, my husband and I began discussing the possibility of expanding our family. Around that same time, I stopped breastfeeding, as my early teether had left me with quite a few bite marks.
Then came the news that no woman ever wants to hear—a lump. A few weeks later, the diagnosis hit me: breast cancer. Those subsequent days and weeks were some of the darkest of my life, filled with tests and the looming reality of a double mastectomy. While the surgery itself was bearable due to my relief in removing the dangerous cells, the tough part was knowing that the risk of stray cells remained.
The pathology report indicated that estrogen fed my cancer, leading to a treatment plan that included hormonal therapy. This meant monthly injections that threw me into menopause and daily anti-estrogen pills. While these medications are vital for my health and preventing a recurrence, they also meant that pregnancy was off the table for me.
Fortunately, years earlier, my husband and I had the foresight to freeze our embryos. After settling in Toronto, I had read about backup plans for women in their 30s wanting to delay pregnancy. So, we went to the clinic, where our future children remain safely stored. This means our dream of having another biological child is still alive.
Consequently, we have started the process of finding a surrogate. I’ve been crafting our bios for the application, and we even recorded a “Meet Us” video to attract the right surrogate—a task that brings back memories of writing dating profiles. “Couple seeking surrogate to carry baby. Non-smokers only. Vegans preferred.” Just kidding; I’d never deny my future child meat and cheese.
On a more serious note, this journey will undoubtedly test our relationship. It’s bound to be an expensive and stressful process, with no guarantees. Once we find a surrogate, she may or may not be able to conceive or carry the baby to term.
Yet, we remain hopeful. Breast cancer will not steal our dreams. Although this isn’t the route we imagined for expanding our family, if we succeed and welcome baby number two, we will consider ourselves among the luckiest parents. Sometimes, a detour leads you to the destination you always desired.
Summary
In this heartfelt narrative, Emily shares her unexpected journey through motherhood, breast cancer, and the pursuit of surrogacy. From initially rejecting the concept of pregnancy to embracing it, she recounts the challenges and joys that shaped her marriage. Despite the obstacles presented by her cancer diagnosis, she highlights her hope for the future as they explore surrogacy, proving that even unexpected paths can lead to fulfillment.
Keyphrase: “breast cancer surrogacy journey”
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]