Every morning, I awaken at 6:30 to the distinct sounds of “Reveille” echoing from a loudspeaker nearby. I had never known the name of the tune before—I simply referred to it as “the bugle song from camp movies.”
There are days when I find myself at the grocery store, the clinic, or even the food court, surrounded by a multitude of green uniforms. Occasionally, I meet with a friend on her porch, chatting over the backdrop of helicopters flying by. And each evening, as the clock strikes 10:00, I feel a familiar unease in my stomach with the haunting notes of “Taps” signaling the day’s end. To some, these snapshots of my life on a military base might seem strange; I would have shared that sentiment not so long ago.
If you had told me in my early twenties that this would become my reality, I would have looked at you in disbelief, much like Kevin McCallister did when he saw that infamous picture of Buzz’s girlfriend in Home Alone. You see, I had my life all mapped out (how charming, right?). By 22, I had built an impressive resume with major media companies, and I was poised to move to Los Angeles to chase my dreams. After all, I had to fulfill my high school yearbook aspiration of winning an Oscar by 40—dream big, right?
But I never anticipated trading that plan for a blank slate in my career. Shortly after my professional journey began, it abruptly halted, leaving me to grapple with the emotions of seemingly abandoning my dreams at such a young age. The most surprising revelation was discovering just how many other spouses of military personnel were navigating similar challenges.
Allow me to backtrack and share my journey: At 22, I had just left a media job I loved to relocate to Germany with my partner. I was convinced my career would flourish, regardless of my location. In my youthful ignorance, I overlooked the fact that no media outlets in Germany would consider hiring someone who didn’t speak the language. So, I turned to my favored coping strategy, which is all too common among military spouses: distraction.
I quickly signed up for online graduate courses (that didn’t last long), started coaching high school cheerleading, and racked up numerous volunteer hours. While I sensed my media aspirations slipping away, I kept myself busy to avoid confronting those feelings. Soon, I made a life-altering decision: “LET’S HAVE A BABY.”
Now, I can confidently say that having a child at 23 wasn’t exactly on my “vision board” as a child, but life certainly loves to throw in plot twists. Despite diving into parenthood earlier than anticipated, we embraced the role with open arms. After overcoming some severe postpartum challenges, I found purpose and joy in being a mom.
I was riding high on this newfound happiness until a friend from my ESPN days visited during a work trip. I was overjoyed to see her and, after catching up, she asked me a question that turned my world upside down: “What have you been up to? How’s life?”
I replied, “It’s great! Mom life is hectic, and we’re just soaking up the moments before my husband’s deployment.” But then she probed deeper: “How are you doing? What are you doing for yourself?”
At that moment, my heart sank. This was my go-to person for discussing fulfillment, creativity, and dreams. And there I stood, utterly speechless. With her encouragement, we decided to brainstorm my aspirations. We even laid out all my ideas on a poster board, hoping to connect the dots and find clarity.
Yet, when I sat down to write, I felt a void. What could I pursue while constantly relocating to support my husband’s military career? Tears streamed down my face as I scribbled down ideas about starting a blog and my interests in yoga and being an Army spouse. In all honesty, I felt lost, frustrated, and resentful. I tucked the poster under my bed, vowing to retreat to my parents’ house during my husband’s upcoming deployment to “figure things out.”
Fast forward to the fall: I spent the summer scrapbooking instead of gaining clarity. Upon my husband’s return, he stumbled upon that poster board filled with my dreams and frustrations. Holding it up, he cheerfully asked, “What’s this?” Mortified, I snatched it away and burst into tears, overwhelmed with feelings of stagnation.
I confided in him about feeling stuck and powerless, despite my love for him and support for his ambitions. He held me close, empathizing with my plight, and promised to back me on any wild idea I pursued. He has kept that promise since.
He understands my struggles with resentment and my longing to rediscover my identity. Sometimes, I find myself pondering the life I could have led—where I might live, who my friends could be, and what career I might have pursued. I often long for an alternate path, leading to cycles of self-pity. But I remind myself that I did have a choice in this life, and I embraced it.
My professional journey hasn’t ended; it has merely changed course. It’s become a winding road with unexpected turns, obstacles, and detours. The military lifestyle hasn’t derailed my path; instead, it’s encouraged me to think creatively about my journey.
For military spouses, the roadblocks are constant. Finding one’s identity amidst chaotic schedules, deployments, and the challenges of solo parenting can feel overwhelming. Many of us set our dreams aside, believing they are insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But they are not. You are not alone, and you are meant to find fulfillment.
I can’t provide a straightforward guide to discovering your dreams, but remember: there’s no deadline for achieving your aspirations. Time is precious, especially when you live in uncertainty about your family’s future. If your timeline looks different than you expected, that’s perfectly fine. Each day, stay open to new opportunities and be willing to take risks.
It’s a tough conversation to initiate, but if my thoughts resonate with you, then it’s worth discussing. Bottled emotions can only stay contained for so long before they overflow. Take a breath, put one foot in front of the other, and embrace the journey. You are capable of more than you realize!
Summary
This article reflects on the unique challenges and emotional journey of being married to someone in the military, exploring themes of personal identity, dreams, and fulfillment amidst the demands of military life. It encourages readers to embrace their paths and seek opportunities for growth and self-discovery.
Keyphrase
life as a military spouse
Tags
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