When my son, Leo, was diagnosed with mild autism at the age of two, our developmental pediatrician reassured us that he would gradually learn to socialize better as he matured. Armed with a notepad, I took down the doctor’s advice: “Expand your social circle. Build friendships with both neurotypical and atypical children. Engage in local activities and groups.”
At the time, I watched Leo, who spoke very little and mostly played alongside other kids without direct interaction. Nevertheless, he laughed and smiled while observing them from a distance. I couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever make friends.
As time passed, much to our delight, Leo began to show signs of social engagement. In group therapy, he learned how to ask other kids to play, carefully stating his name and inquiring about theirs. He beamed with pride each time he did this, genuinely enjoying his interactions with peers. Once he started kindergarten, he would come home excitedly listing his friends. We noticed he developed a close bond with one child but also interacted with a broader group. Eager to nurture these friendships, we organized playdates and enrolled him in similar activities.
However, we soon realized some of his friends, particularly one boy, were not always kind. Although they generally were good kids, they sometimes excluded, teased, or competed with Leo, leaving him confused and upset. As parents, we often dismissed this behavior, assuring ourselves that teasing was typical among boys and that it would eventually blow over. When Leo expressed his sadness, we offered advice on how to stand up for himself, focusing so much on his ability to make and maintain friendships that we overlooked the critical importance of his self-esteem.
After a particularly upsetting incident with another child, we sat down for a heart-to-heart. It became clear that simply having friends wasn’t a sign of social success. We needed to help Leo understand the importance of choosing friends who uplift him. I spoke to him without the presence of doctors, therapists, or other children, emphasizing a lesson we both needed to grasp: we should never accept friends who don’t contribute positively to our self-worth. A true friend plays kindly, shares, and doesn’t isolate or hurt us. It’s not about having just any friend; it’s about having friends who are genuinely nice.
Soon after, Leo began coming to me not to complain about someone who made him sad but to proudly share that he and a friend enjoyed a snack together.
As we continue on this journey, I hope to guide Leo towards more positive social interactions and help him broaden his circle of friends.
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In summary, while striving to socialize my son, I learned that the quality of friendships matters far more than quantity. Fostering his self-esteem and helping him choose supportive friends is essential for his emotional well-being.
Keyphrase: Socializing a child with autism
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