By: Tessa Morgan
Updated: Aug. 15, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 13, 2023
Recently, I hopped on a flight across the country to celebrate a child’s 10th birthday with a group of women I had initially met online. Yes, you read that correctly, and I understand how unconventional it sounds, so let me explain.
A decade ago, at age 24, I was pregnant with my first child and beginning to experience the loneliness that can accompany soon-to-be motherhood. My OBGYN, an older gentleman with extensive experience, suggested I join an online community to share “women’s issues” with others in similar situations. At first, I scoffed at the thought, dismissing “mommy groups” as mere drama. But as loneliness crept in, my yearning for female comradeship led me to register on a popular forum for expectant mothers due in November 2008.
I’ve seen many women actively engage in similar online communities: moms expecting around the same time, those who follow specific lifestyles, and even single mothers or those who have faced losses. Over the last decade, I’ve participated in various groups, but the November ‘08 forum became something truly unique.
Our discussions ranged from breastfeeding versus formula feeding to nursery designs and parenting philosophies. I quickly became immersed in the camaraderie, sharing laughter and my pregnancy stories. People often ask what made our November ‘08 group so tightly knit, and while there are numerous factors, one pivotal moment stands out: the birth of a micro-preemie named Oliver.
Oliver, born on July 29, 2008, at just 23 weeks gestation, became our first “November” baby. His mother was only 21, and his father was serving in the military. I was amazed to witness a group of women come together with such unwavering support, especially considering none of us had met face-to-face. A decade later, that bond remains as strong as ever.
Some of us traveled long distances to attend Oliver’s first birthday celebration. Later, when his sister was born prematurely, we organized a surprise baby shower. We’ve held fundraisers, exchanged holiday gifts, supported each other through divorce, illness, and unimaginable loss. On my wedding day, I was overwhelmed with emotion when I spotted Oliver, now a lively toddler, playing outside with my child. His parents had driven three hours to witness my special day.
When our November ‘08 children turned five, my online group came together for a funeral to support one of our own through a heartbreaking event. We’ve run marathons, sent thoughtful cards, and even had our share of misadventures. We’ve planned weddings that ultimately didn’t happen and pooled resources for essentials like tires or furniture. Despite the fact that our kids grew up in different areas, we felt a shared experience.
Many of us have met in person, while others still connect only online. One woman, in particular, and I talk on the phone daily. These women have cared for my children, supported me, and offered friendship that feels like family.
On July 29, 2023, we celebrated Oliver’s 10th birthday. My son was astonished to learn Oliver’s story and called him a “miracle.” It was a perfect opportunity to bring my own child to this birthday gathering across the country. The event was initially planned for a different location, but due to wildfire disruptions, we gathered in Sacramento, where eight of us reunited for the occasion.
As I sat on the beach with these incredible mothers, watching our children play together, it struck me just how deep our connections run. In that moment, I realized these women understand me better than many of my own family members. Despite our journey starting online, there was no mistaking the authenticity of our friendships.
Happy 10th birthday, Oliver. Because of your birth, I found my community, and I believe my son has found his as well.
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