Recently, I found myself in a situation I had promised myself I would never let my daughter see: I cried. This wasn’t the kind of crying you do during a heart-wrenching movie or after losing someone dear. This was crying triggered by my own child.
My 8-year-old daughter, Emily, has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), a diagnosis she has been navigating for over three years. While ADHD allows her to think creatively and approach problems from unique angles, it also presents significant obstacles. Among these, the task of completing homework has always been a struggle.
At her school, students are required to engage in daily summer activities, including a minimum of 30 minutes of reading and 20 minutes on an online math program. Although there are additional suggestions like journaling and practicing typing, for a child like Emily, even the basic requirements can feel overwhelming.
I constantly strive to make her homework experience more manageable. I encourage her to take breaks, allow her to choose the order of her tasks, and offer screen time as a reward once her work is done. Despite these strategies, they often fail to alleviate the frustration and anger she feels when faced with challenging assignments. Although she possesses remarkable intelligence and can discern patterns and relationships in numbers that many overlook, she still finds math particularly daunting. This was the scenario that led to my emotional breakdown.
One afternoon, we were seated at the kitchen table, where I allowed her to use my laptop for her math work. As she tackled a particularly tough problem, her frustration escalated rapidly. I sat next to her, trying to assist and motivate her, armed with a pencil and paper to explain the problem in a different light. Despite my efforts to remain calm, her defiance grew. Before I knew it, she was no longer on the stool but sprawled on the floor, engulfed in a meltdown, proclaiming that she would never grasp the math concepts, insisting that I couldn’t help her.
As her frustration peaked, so did mine. I had agreed with her doctor to pause her ADHD medication for the summer to help her gain weight, as it had previously hindered her during the school year. But now I questioned whether that was the right choice. Yes, she was gaining weight, but at the cost of her homework struggles. What was more important?
In the midst of this internal turmoil, I realized Emily was still on the floor, crying and screaming. I suggested she retreat to her Calm Down Area and that we would revisit her math later. However, she resisted, intent on expressing her anger. I felt lost, overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness.
The most terrifying part was the realization that I couldn’t find a way to help my own child. I worried about Emily’s future as a teenager and an adult. Every fiber of my being screamed to walk away, but I knew that leaving would only deepen her feelings of fear and abandonment. If I could give up on her, what would the world do?
So, I stayed put, allowing my emotions to manifest, and for the first time, I let her see me cry over her struggles. When she noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks, something shifted in her. She asked why I was crying, and I responded with the honest truth, “I don’t know how to help you.”
In that moment, she got up and hugged me tightly, her small voice whispering, “I’m sorry, Mommy.” Together, we wept, sharing tears of sadness, frustration, and pain—a moment that neither of us will forget.
By allowing Emily to see my tears, I helped her understand the impact her reactions have on those around her. She recognized the shared frustration of those trying to support her, even when she resists help. Most importantly, she felt my unconditional love and commitment to her well-being.
After our heartfelt exchange, Emily returned to her stool and allowed me to help with her math. Remarkably, she completed her entire assignment that day. Since then, she hasn’t experienced another meltdown during homework. Now, if she starts to feel overwhelmed, she knows it’s okay to take a break. She’s learning to manage her powerful emotions, which is all I could hope for as a parent.
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Summary
In this emotional recounting, a mother shares her experience of crying in front of her daughter during a homework crisis exacerbated by ADHD. The moment of vulnerability led to a deeper understanding between them, allowing the child to recognize the impact of her struggles on others. Following this exchange, the daughter found new strategies to manage her emotions and homework challenges.
Keyphrase: Emotional parenting and ADHD challenges
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