By: Mia Alexander
Updated: Aug. 7, 2018
Originally Published: Aug. 6, 2018
As I look into my son’s deep brown eyes, he inches closer and demands, “I want a toy!” His outburst leaves me bewildered. I often wonder, “How did we end up in this situation?” Generally, my son is well-behaved, but this instance reeked of entitlement. He seemed to believe that simply asking meant I would comply without hesitation, and that’s not the environment I want to cultivate at home.
I’ll admit, there have been moments I’ve spoiled him a bit. As a single mother, I sometimes overcompensated with toys to alleviate my guilt. While I have made strides to change this behavior, it became clear that my son’s recent demands signaled it was time to enforce some boundaries.
Becky Thompson from Your Modern Family offers valuable strategies for “unspoiling” kids, and I have been implementing some of them. Although it’s challenging to alter our established patterns, it’s essential for both of us.
1. Maintain Consistency
This is often a tough area for me, but I’m determined to improve. Enforcing discipline can be difficult, but creating consequences is a solid starting point. For instance, if I need to remind my son more than twice to tidy up his toys, I’ll take the toy away for an hour. The “when, then” approach has also proven effective. For example, I’ll say, “When you finish your dinner, then you can have dessert.” Establishing clear expectations minimizes ambiguity. I’ve recognized that I often falter on timing. Instead of repeating, “Just ten more minutes,” I will set an actual timer, ensuring we both know when it’s time to transition.
2. Establish Clear Expectations
This is particularly beneficial when we’re headed out. During grocery trips, I make it a point to have a list and share it with my son as we enter the store. This way, he understands that if he wants something not on the list, it’s highly unlikely he’ll get it. In stores like Target, I preemptively explain that we won’t be visiting the toy section, no matter how tempting it may be. If he throws a tantrum, he knows there will be consequences, like losing screen time when we return home.
3. Be Mindful with Impulse Purchases
It’s easy to slip up and buy toys without a reason. I’ve certainly fallen into this trap. Whenever I see a toy on sale, I’m tempted to buy it, but this sets an expectation for my son. If he breaks or misplaces a toy, I make it clear that it won’t be replaced right away. For instance, I recently told him that if he can’t take care of his crayons, I won’t buy more. Once I stopped buying toys on a whim, my son started to appreciate the gifts he received. Typically, he only gets presents on special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays, but I might surprise him with something small for good behavior.
While it’s natural to want to give our children things, if we constantly indulge them, they may take our generosity for granted. It can be tough to resist their demands, especially when you just want a moment of peace. It’s perfectly fine to spoil them occasionally, but when it becomes excessive, it’s a problem. Setting boundaries with clear consequences is more manageable than it might seem.
Initially, this will be a struggle. Children can be quite stubborn, and if they’re accustomed to receiving everything they want, breaking that cycle will be challenging. However, remember that “no” is a complete sentence. Tears will eventually dry, and you want to raise a child who is respectful and understands the value of things, rather than one who feels entitled. After all, they need to navigate the world independently someday.
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Summary
In conclusion, establishing boundaries and managing expectations can help prevent children from feeling entitled. Consistency, clear communication, and mindfulness around purchases are vital in promoting respect and gratitude. It’s important to find a balance, giving gifts occasionally but not excessively, to foster a healthy relationship with material possessions.
Keyphrase: How to Stop Spoiling Kids
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