If you’re a parent to a young child, you’ve likely heard the saying, “The days are long, but the years are short.” This phrase is often accompanied by encouragement to cherish every single moment of your child’s growth. However, for moms of rainbow babies—those born after the heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal loss—the expectation to find joy in every tantrum or milestone can feel overwhelming. I can relate deeply to this sentiment as a mother of a rainbow baby myself.
After years of facing infertility and loss, the arrival of my son, Lucas, filled me with immense joy. I recalled the times I listened to other mothers vent about sleepless nights and the chaos of parenting while I longed for my own experience. I promised myself to appreciate every aspect of motherhood, thinking that being able to care for a child was a privilege I’d always wanted.
When Lucas was born, well-meaning friends suggested that my husband and I take some time for ourselves by hiring a babysitter. I remember our first outing for lunch when Lucas was just six weeks old; the thought of missing a single moment with him made me uneasy. I believed wholeheartedly that I should savor each second of this precious time with him. During playgroups, I remained silent while other moms expressed their frustrations, determined to keep my enthusiasm intact. I made homemade baby food, attended every class, and claimed to love every minute of being a stay-at-home mom—until I didn’t.
One day, when Lucas was around two and a half, everything changed. He had a meltdown over not getting a lollipop for breakfast, refusing to wear proper shoes in freezing weather, and expressing his anger over an aquarium visit. As I surveyed the disaster of Cheerios spread across our living room floor, I finally admitted to myself that I didn’t love every single moment. I felt an unexpected mix of guilt and relief. The reality was that some tasks—like cleaning up spilled cereal—simply weren’t enjoyable. I had felt such pressure as a rainbow baby mom to express gratitude and joy for every moment that I had disregarded my own feelings.
Through conversations with other rainbow baby moms, I discovered I wasn’t alone in feeling this unspoken burden. Acknowledging that I didn’t have to love every single moment was liberating. It’s perfectly fine for a babysitter to share a “first” experience with my child; I would still get to enjoy the “seconds.” I realized I had been neglecting my own needs and emotions in my quest to be the ideal mother.
After reflecting on my feelings, I made meaningful adjustments in my life. Lucas now attends school five mornings a week, I’ve launched a small business, and I’ve prioritized my own self-care. My key takeaway is this: regardless of how your child entered your life—be it through natural conception, IVF, or adoption—parenthood is both joyful and challenging. You are allowed to not cherish every single moment of every day. Some days will be fantastic, while others may be less than enjoyable.
By accepting this reality, I found a better balance, a deeper connection with fellow mothers, and a more fulfilling parenting experience overall. For additional insights on fertility and parenthood, consider checking out this excellent resource on in vitro fertilisation.
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, you can explore our other blog post on the at-home insemination kit and discover helpful information on boosting fertility supplements as you embark on your journey to motherhood.
Summary
New moms of rainbow babies face unique pressures to enjoy every moment of motherhood, yet it’s essential to acknowledge that it’s okay not to love every second. Embracing this truth can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling parenting experience.
Keyphrase: Rainbow babies and motherhood
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