I was raised in a household where dirty dishes were rarely left unchecked. The moment we finished a meal, our plates found their way into the dishwasher, and pots and pans were promptly scrubbed and stored. If I happened to leave a glass out, it would mysteriously disappear before I returned. My mother was a homemaker, and one of the perks of that was our always tidy home with spotless dishes. I’ve always felt more at ease in a clean environment.
When I became a mother myself, I carried forward the same belief: my home should be immaculate, and the dishes should always be clean. For me, tidiness was a badge of honor for being a “good” mom. After all, my mom had set that standard, and I equated my worth as a mother with how neat my house looked and how few dirty dishes cluttered my sink.
Reflecting on Expectations
Do you ever reflect on the immense expectations we place on ourselves as mothers? The endless checklist of what we think we “must” accomplish to qualify as a good mom?
Once I became a single mother, juggling a full-time job and raising two children, I quickly found myself overwhelmed. It often took every ounce of energy I had just to prepare dinner and navigate homework, baths, and bedtime routines. I felt compelled to clean up afterward because it was what I believed I “should” do. But over time, I began to resent the pile of dirty dishes.
Those dirty dishes became a symbol of my unrealistic expectations. As I embarked on my journey of self-discovery, I recognized that I had placed unreasonably high standards on myself, which adversely affected my relationships with both myself and my family. I struggled with perfectionism, convinced that I needed to do everything flawlessly to gain love and acceptance. This mindset left me with an ingrained belief that I was never “good enough.”
Reassessing Expectations
I’m currently working on reassessing my expectations. I’m striving to lower the bar and notice when perfectionism rears its head, realizing that my best is indeed sufficient.
There’s a saying about how “expectation breeds resentment.” When I approach tasks like washing dishes as obligations, I set myself up for disappointment if I fail to complete them. Likewise, expecting others to meet my standards can lead to feelings of resentment if they fall short.
A simple change in perspective has made a significant difference for me. Instead of framing tasks as things I “must” do, I now ask myself what I want to do. What energy do I have? What feels most pressing? What matters most in that moment?
I grant myself the freedom to choose and trust my instincts about what feels right, easing my control over everything.
Finding Balance
Some nights, I have enough energy to tackle the dishes right after dinner, which feels rewarding. I cherish waking up to a clean kitchen! On those days, I feel emotionally present and connected, finding joy in the mindless chore that allows my mind to take a break.
However, many nights, I’m too drained from the day to clean up, and I give myself permission to leave the dirty dishes in the sink until I’m ready. Instead, I focus on reading to my girls, tucking them in, and taking care of myself before bed. I practice self-compassion, lower my expectations, acknowledge that I’m doing my best, and trust that I’ll find the energy to tackle the dishes later.
And those dirty dishes always get washed eventually. When I finally confront them, I feel grateful for prioritizing my well-being and my daughters. By giving myself the choice rather than succumbing to exhaustion, I find more enjoyment in the task of washing dishes and appreciate a clean kitchen even more.
In essence, my dirty dishes have taught me the importance of self-care first.
Additional Resources
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Summary
The article shares a personal journey of learning to manage expectations as a mother, particularly regarding household chores like doing dishes. It emphasizes the importance of self-care, choosing priorities, and recognizing that perfection is not necessary to be a good parent.
Keyphrase: parenting lessons from dirty dishes
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