I recall a time at my son’s soccer match when a parent’s reaction to a referee’s call went completely overboard. This was a small-town community league in Oregon, and the players were just 9 to 10 years old. I can’t even remember what the official decided, but the parent was furious. He turned beet red, shouting as if the fate of the universe rested on this one call, completely forgetting that these were just kids’ games where juice boxes and graham crackers are still part of the post-game routine.
Eventually, this man’s wife had to escort him to their car. I was stunned by his behavior. It’s just a game, right? At such a young age, kids learn valuable lessons from both victories and defeats. Youth sports are meant to promote resilience, develop coordination, cultivate friendships, and provide exercise. But this parent acted like it was a matter of life and death.
This experience resonated with me as I read a New York Times article about a Facebook group called Offside. Founded by Brian Thompson, a youth soccer referee from Oklahoma, the group offers $100 for each video clip highlighting parents who overreact at youth sports. His goal? To use the power of shame to curb the troubling trend of unruly parental behavior.
While the Times referred to these behaviors as “unruly,” I would call them “verbally abusive” or even “violent.” On the Offside page, you can find footage of fathers in cargo shorts and polo shirts throwing punches over trivial calls. It’s shocking. One clip shows a basketball game in Pennsylvania where a fight broke out in the stands, nearly clearing an entire section. Another clip features a father taking a swing at a referee, with children—yes, CHILDREN—intervening to stop the altercation. And then there are videos of parents incessantly yelling, “You are horrible!” at youth games.
Seriously, folks. Do you really need to see yourself acting like a jerk to understand that your behavior is out of line?
Brian Thompson’s initiative highlights the alarming number of referees who leave the profession, both volunteer and paid, due to this kind of abuse. My message is simple: it’s time to grow up. Keep your fists in your pockets if you can’t control your anger, and remember the old saying: if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. You likely learned these lessons as a child and probably teach them to your kids. However, when you lose your cool at a youth sporting event, those lessons go out the window, and suddenly your child might think it’s acceptable to lash out over a bad call.
Your children are watching and absorbing your behavior. They are learning how to treat others, and they are observing what’s truly important. Let’s be real—youth sports are not that significant. They serve a purpose, but no score, goal, or touchdown is worth throwing a punch, using foul language, or instigating a fight. Such actions only teach kids the wrong way to respond when things don’t go as planned.
So let’s pause and prioritize what really matters. It’s just a game. If your child’s team faces a bad call, turn it into a teachable moment about resilience. Losing is not a reason to give up or engage in conflict; it’s an opportunity to strive harder, persist, and overcome challenges. If you witness a parent behaving poorly at a game, don’t hesitate to call them out. We cannot allow such behavior to become normalized. We are part of a community, and it’s essential to look out for one another and intervene when someone is acting out of line.
Of course, be cautious—some of those videos show just how volatile things can get. But if enough people stand up against this behavior, we can return to enjoying snacks and drinks while our kids play.
This approach sounds much more enjoyable, doesn’t it?
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In summary, it’s crucial for parents to model appropriate behavior at youth sporting events. These moments are opportunities for growth and learning, not for conflict.
Keyphrase: Parent Behavior at Youth Sports
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