There’s a staggering 24-year age difference between my first daughter, Lily, and my twin girls, Ava and Mia. Yes, you read that right—24 years, not months. I became a mother at 18, and when Lily left for college, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to start anew. Fast forward to 42, and I found myself raising twins. In fact, Lily is now a mother herself, making me a grandmother before I could even fully embrace parenthood again!
When people discover that I’ve effectively parented across two generations, their first question (after the obligatory pause of disbelief) is usually, “What’s the biggest difference between then and now?” The answer is simple: the internet, which has significantly affected my maternal instincts.
During my first parenting experience, I didn’t consult a single parenting guide or article. My maternal instincts guided me, and my mother’s advice—often delivered through a haze of smoke from her cigarette—was my only reference point. Sure, some of that guidance may have been questionable, but I managed to raise a remarkable young woman who’s now a contributing member of society.
The second time around? A completely different story. Armed with the internet, I was overwhelmed by the vast amount of information at my fingertips. Before my girls even arrived, I found myself Googling everything from “Is it normal for babies to hiccup in the womb?” to “What’s the best way to soothe a crying infant?” My instincts would have suggested that they were just exercising their lungs or reacting to something I ate. But Dr. Google had me convinced that my babies were in immediate danger—leading to a minor panic attack that left me in tears while my husband tried to comfort me.
Despite my doctor’s advice to steer clear of online forums, I dove deeper into the digital rabbit hole once the twins were born. I downloaded countless apps to monitor their feeding schedules, diaper changes, and developmental milestones. By the time they were two months old, I was second-guessing every decision I made, leaving my maternal instincts in the dust.
To be fair, the internet has its perks. I’ve connected with a supportive community of twin moms, snagged great deals on baby gear, and maintained a bond with my mother who lives far away. However, the barrage of judgment, mixed messages, and worst-case scenarios can easily lead to self-doubt and anxiety. Eventually, I realized I needed to take a step back and breathe. Finding a balance became crucial to preserving my parenting instincts. Here are some tips to help others avoid losing their intuition in the digital age:
1. Ignore the Judgment
I was blissfully unaware of terms like “mommy wars” and “mom shaming” until I fell into the internet abyss during my pregnancy. While judgment has always existed, it was easier to dismiss when it came from family members like Aunt Ruth with her antiquated advice. Now, that same criticism resonates online, magnified a thousandfold. Remember, no one truly has the definitive answer; we’re all navigating this challenging journey together.
2. Recognize Conflicting Advice
The amount of contradictory information available is staggering. Some sources insist on constant baby-wearing, while others warn against it for fear of fostering dependency. The same goes for co-sleeping, feeding practices, and even skincare for infants. The reality is that different approaches work for different families. Find what resonates with you and your loved ones, and be ready to ignore the rest.
3. Avoid Catastrophic “What-Ifs”
It’s easy to spiral into worst-case scenarios when searching for answers online. While it’s vital to address serious health concerns, many worries are simply not as dire as they seem. If you find yourself obsessively searching for solutions, limit your queries and consult your healthcare provider for advice.
4. Steer Clear of Comments Sections
For the sake of your sanity, avoid the comments section. This is where negativity and conflicting views come alive, often leading to confusion and frustration. I’ve lost countless hours to the allure of comments, emerging from the experience feeling disoriented—like waking up after a night of too much wine.
5. Trust Your Instincts
This may be the hardest part, but learning to trust your gut is essential. When in doubt, reach out to your support network for guidance. However, never underestimate the power of your instincts. They’re there for a reason.
While I still consult the internet for parenting tips, I’ve learned to take everything with a grain of salt. My search history today might include, “no-prep crafts for toddlers,” but I’m more inclined to rely on my intuition now. Occasionally, I check in with my mom for advice, even if it’s been decades since she raised a baby. Her simple reassurance—“Honey, they’ll grow out of it. Just trust your instincts”—may seem cliché, but it reminds me that love is at the core of parenting. My instincts, much like my mother’s advice, come from a place of love, and that’s all that truly matters.
For those looking for more extensive resources on pregnancy and parenting, Modern Family Blog offers valuable insights, as well as March of Dimes, which provides excellent information on the journey of pregnancy. If you’re considering home insemination, check out our post on the BabyMaker home intracervical insemination syringe kit combo to keep your options open.
In summary, while the internet can be a double-edged sword in parenting, finding a balance between online resources and trusting your instincts is crucial to raising confident children.