“Don’t fret that children don’t listen; worry that they are always observing you.” ~ Robert Fulghum
Recently, I overheard a father, openly gay, mention that his children are unaware of his sexuality. As a gay uncle with five nieces and nephews, I found this intriguing. I’ve given talks on the importance of honesty with children regarding diverse identities to combat bullying and prejudice. This led me to wonder why his kids remained in the dark.
First, I want to acknowledge all parents for the challenging role they play, particularly single parents. I spent a day at the beach with my cousins, one of whom was flying solo with his kids for the weekend. I marveled at how he managed to juggle their needs, whether pulling one on a boogie board or diverting another from the water.
The father shared that his son, nearing five years old, had expressed a desire to have kids and get married someday. When asked, “Why didn’t you get married?” he replied, “It hasn’t happened for me, but I hope for that in the future,” and then shifted the topic. His choice to divert the conversation sparked my curiosity.
What Motivated His Decision to Change the Subject?
Earlier this year, while dining out with my five nieces and nephews, aged 5-11, I noticed a transgender individual working behind the counter. Later, when an email from the Los Angeles LGBT Center appeared on my phone, my seven-year-old nephew asked, “What does LGBT mean?” After explaining, they inquired about transgender identity. When I mentioned the individual we had seen, they immediately chimed in, “Oh, Bobby!” Surprised, I learned they didn’t know him, yet they understood the concept of being transgender.
This aligns with a 2014 study by Andrew Shtulman, which revealed that children often disbelieve in Santa Claus as their intellect develops. Even if a parent attempts to maintain the myth, children’s growing understanding leads them to see the truth, similar to how my nieces and nephews grasped the concept of gender identity.
An often-untouched subject in the LGBTQ community, especially among gay men, is the impact of internalized homophobia. Despite being open about our sexuality, we still navigate a society filled with heteronormative narratives. These messages can unconsciously shape our perceptions and choices, occasionally leading to biases.
After coming out, I dedicated my life to LGBTQ advocacy. A pivotal moment occurred three years ago when my six-year-old nephew asked if I had a girlfriend. His innocent question, along with my family’s reactions, revealed the subtle layers of homophobia that exist—even in supportive environments.
While I can’t speculate on the gay father’s decision to sidestep his son’s inquiry, it’s essential to recognize that silence can be a form of communication. Children absorb everything we teach them, including the things we choose not to discuss. If a child can ponder marriage and parenthood, they are certainly ready to learn about diverse sexualities. Love between same-sex partners is just as natural as the relationships they see represented in media.
Fostering Understanding and Acceptance
In a world that often defaults to heteronormativity, introducing children to LGBTQ identities can foster understanding and acceptance. By discussing these topics openly, we help nurture allies, reduce instances of bullying, and challenge homophobia.
To any parent hesitant to broach these subjects, I encourage you to reflect on your motivations for changing the conversation. Children possess a remarkable capacity for understanding, often more profound than we give them credit for.
This is a call to all parents and LGBTQ community members to examine how our implicit biases influence what we share with the younger generation. As society evolves, embracing deeper conversations can lead to greater strides toward equality.
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Summary
Our responses to children’s inquiries about sexuality and identity can significantly shape their understanding of the world. By openly discussing topics like LGBTQ identity, we foster acceptance and reduce the stigma that can lead to bullying. Parents and caregivers are encouraged to reflect on their own biases and to introduce these subjects to children, who often possess a deeper understanding than we anticipate.
Keyphrase: Importance of parenting responses
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