A few weeks back, I hopped on a plane for a five-day getaway that I had been planning for what felt like ages. I thought I had everything in order to ensure a smooth household while I was away: I filled the fridge, laid out my kids’ school outfits, and arranged rides to and from school. My husband may not be the best cook, but he’s a fantastic dad, so I wasn’t overly concerned about their survival. I didn’t give him much guidance because, let’s face it, as long as the house was intact and the kids were safe when I returned, I’d consider it a win.
And off I went.
The first message arrived shortly after I left home that morning.
“Hey, the school is locked. How do we get in?”
Seriously? Welcome to 2018, where schools are now locked for safety reasons.
“This isn’t new, sweetie. Just ring the buzzer and they’ll let you in,” I texted back, rolling my eyes as I tucked my phone away, hoping this wasn’t a glimpse of what lay ahead.
To my surprise, my mother offered to take care of the kids for a couple of nights while I was away. Either she has a special fondness for him or she thinks my husband is going to accidentally burn the house down, because she’s never offered me a free dinner or a babysitting service. But, I digress.
While the kids were with Grandma, I received another call. My mom relayed that she thought they were “coming down with something.” Perfect timing, right?
“Send them back to their dad. I’m over here enjoying margaritas and chips three states away,” I wanted to say, but I didn’t. (Mom guilt is so real, folks.) She assured me it was probably just a cold and would keep me posted, but that didn’t ease my worry.
The next morning brought yet another call from my mom, “I’m at the school, but Claire says she feels like she’s going to throw up.”
Really? I’ve only been gone 24 hours! My six-year-old can be a bit dramatic, so I wasn’t sure if she was genuinely sick or just trying to score some quality time with Grandma and a mountain of sugary snacks. Not being there to assess the situation directly, I ultimately allowed her to stay home, thinking, “If she’s really sick, I’ll eat my boot.”
But wouldn’t you know it, just a few minutes later, I got another call—Claire had thrown up in the backseat of my mom’s car. I offered to come home, concerned about the lingering smell, but my mom reassured me everything was under control and they were heading home for a bath. The rest of the day was filled with picture messages of Claire looking perfectly healthy while dancing around with a Fruit by the Foot snack. Risky move, but not my problem!
Later that afternoon, my husband picked up the kids, and I braced myself for the inevitable next update. Instead of a call, I received a picture of a massive brush fire. I had only joked about not burning the house down, but suddenly, I was genuinely concerned. When I asked for details, he said he’d call me back because our four-year-old had just jumped into a creek… fully clothed… in 40-degree weather.
For any dads reading this: next time, just say, “I’ll call you right back,” and leave out any potential drowning scenarios.
Eventually, my husband called back to inform me that the creek was nearly dry and everyone was alive.
When I returned home the next day, I was astonished to find the house still standing. Sure, the dishes were piled high, and I’d never catch up on laundry, but everyone had survived. And honestly, that was my only request before leaving, so I suppose I got exactly what I wished for.
For those interested in home insemination methods, check out this article on makeamom.com. They also have a fantastic 18-piece at-home insemination kit that can be a great resource. If you’re looking for information on IVF, the NHS has excellent resources available.
In summary, although my trip was filled with unexpected chaos back home, everything turned out just fine. Sometimes, all you need is a little faith in the ones you leave behind.
Keyphrase: chaos ensues when mom takes a trip
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]