By: Janelle Thompson
My son is biracial. His father is Caucasian, and while my son shares my features, he inherited his dad’s light complexion. He has a remarkably fair skin tone, and even with a tan, he resembles a light-skinned white child. Though some people describe him as mixed race, it’s evident that when he’s with his dad, he doesn’t appear black.
Initially, I found myself slightly disheartened that he didn’t exhibit more of his black heritage. However, as time has passed, I’ve often felt a sense of relief. Why? Because simply being a black boy in America today can be perilous.
When I heard the story of a teenage boy shot at for merely knocking on a neighbor’s door to ask for directions, I felt a wave of anxiety wash over me. Thankfully, he wasn’t harmed, but the incident made me acutely aware of the dangers my son could face. In this country, a black boy can’t even ask for help without being perceived as suspicious.
This reality hit home for me when I reflected on my son’s situation. Shortly after that incident, two black men were arrested for waiting in a Starbucks without ordering anything. It occurred to me that my son’s lighter skin and curly hair could potentially shield him from life-threatening situations. If he ever encounters law enforcement, I can almost guarantee he’ll emerge from it scared but alive.
I’ve been conscious of how strangers perceive him since he was born. Just before he turned one, Eric Garner was killed by police not far from our home. Shortly after the tragedy of Michael Brown in Ferguson, we visited Missouri, and I felt the judgmental stares. While he blended in with his father’s family, I stood out, and I could sense the unspoken question: “How did this black woman end up with this little white child?”
Even living in a diverse city like New York, we attracted scrutiny. While out with family, people would look at us as if I had abducted him, despite him climbing into my lap for comfort and calling me “Mommy.”
Once, a woman remarked that I was “fortunate” to have a son who looked white. I was taken aback. Perhaps she was alluding to a deeper truth. The reality is, I don’t worry that my son will be shot by police for playing outside with a toy gun. If he gets pulled over, he’s unlikely to be killed while reaching for his ID. If he’s waiting for a friend at Starbucks without making a purchase, he probably won’t be reported. In fact, he may not even attract a second glance. While I will always be concerned for his safety, I won’t be anxiously awaiting his return home, fearing for his life.
Every moment, my thoughts drift to the black men I care about. My father enjoys relaxing outdoors, waiting for my mother to come home from work. Do I worry about him being harassed by the police while sitting at the bus stop? Absolutely.
My brother and nephew reside in a small Midwest town, and I dread the thought of them being pulled over and harmed without any witnesses. I fear for my black male friends who could easily become hashtags simply because someone decided they didn’t like their demeanor or appearance.
Yet, I don’t harbor those same fears for my son. If he knocks on a door for directions, he will likely be welcomed in, or offered assistance. He won’t be seen as a threat based solely on his skin color. He will likely never experience the fear of being a black man in America. While he may face challenges due to his mixed heritage and having a black mother, he will not endure the daily anxiety that his grandfather, uncles, cousins, and friends experience.
I won’t have to have “the talk” that so many black parents dread. Instead, I am teaching him to be an ally to his future black friends, to stand up for them, and to recognize the privilege he possesses, even as he shares in their black identity.
I’m preparing him for a world that will perceive him differently, despite his dual heritage. If this is what it means to be “lucky,” then I would rather not be fortunate at all.
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Summary
A mother reflects on her experiences raising a biracial son in America, grappling with societal perceptions and the safety concerns faced by black men. She acknowledges the privilege her son has due to his lighter skin while emphasizing the importance of teaching him to be an ally.
Keyphrase
biracial parenting experiences
Tags
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