I keep a close eye on my child’s text messages, instant messages, and direct messages, and I even sit in during her FaceTime chats. I don’t snoop behind her back; I do it right in front of her.
It’s not that I relish hovering over her. Honestly, there are times when I feel the urge to scream because I can’t bear to read yet another text about the latest drama in math class or how difficult life seems.
Reflecting on our childhood, we were fortunate enough to have a phone in our rooms, but we certainly didn’t carry one to school like a mini-computer. I often share with my kids my excitement over receiving a piano-shaped phone with actual keys. Back then, privacy was a luxury; if I was on the phone, a sibling would be banging on the door begging for a turn. So, why have we decided that our children deserve more privacy than we did?
My lack of privacy never hindered my growth into adulthood. My parents were the ones guiding me through right and wrong. The emergence of smartphones doesn’t alleviate that responsibility; in fact, I believe it amplifies it. That’s why when my kids receive their phones, they sign a contract agreeing that their devices are family property, subject to inspection at any time. It’s straightforward—if you’re texting something you wouldn’t want me to see, maybe you shouldn’t be sending it at all.
I know some might label me as overbearing or a “helicopter parent.” However, I probably have a better understanding of how your child behaves in private than you do. My daughter might roll her eyes when I check her phone, but I’ve found that being involved in her digital life is one of the best parenting decisions I’ve made.
What’s fascinating about this relationship is that, knowing I’ll see her messages, she tends to share more with me than I could uncover on my own. For instance, she told me about a boy who asked her for a “bootie pic,” and she even showed me the conversation where he made a similar request to your daughter. Did you know he suggested things that made her have to Google certain terms?
I’ve learned that your athletic daughter is skipping meals to lose weight. I also know that your class clown son is facing bullying from his peers. Even your quiet daughter made a racially insensitive joke on Snapchat, thinking it was harmless—something that could have severe consequences at school.
These are the “good” kids. They are my children and your children. If you’re wondering why so many kids are struggling with depression these days, perhaps it’s time to invade their privacy a bit more.
I’m often taken aback by the different sides of these kids, including my own. I discover thoughts I never knew existed and learn acronyms you might not even be aware of. We utilize these texts and snaps as conversation starters rather than judgment zones. I don’t solve her problems for her, but I help her navigate them and learn from the experiences.
This approach isn’t flawless. There are moments when we both despise it; it can be tedious, frustrating, and at times overwhelming. If it’s tough for an educated adult, imagine the impact those daily messages have on your child. What are you doing to address this?
You might be thinking, “I would want to know if my child was sending something inappropriate.” However, I’ve encountered parents who respond with denial or defensiveness when I’ve brought up concerning behavior I’ve noticed. I’ve ultimately decided it’s not my responsibility to parent your kids.
I would bet that there’s something on your child’s phone or social media that would shock you. You can’t claim surprise when they turn out differently than you expected if you’re not truly aware of who they are at this moment.
Here’s a friendly reminder: Your child can exhibit some truly disappointing behavior. Mine has said some things that I can hardly believe. Accepting criticism about our kids isn’t easy, but if we don’t start understanding who they are behind their screens, the next generation could face serious issues.
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In summary, keeping tabs on your child’s digital interactions can lead to essential insights. While it may not be a perfect system, it can foster communication and understanding about the challenges they face.
Keyphrase: Monitoring children’s text messages
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