I haven’t spoken to my brother in four months. Before that, it was maybe six or eight months? I’m not really keeping track. I connect with my mom roughly once a month. My dad has passed away, so that’s a non-issue. I have a half-sister, and our conversations are about as frequent as those with my mom. As for my half-brother, it’s been nearly a year since we last chatted, but I stay updated on his new wife through social media. Then there are my step-siblings. Once considered family, now… I’m not quite sure what to label them. This is what happens when your mother remarries multiple times and your father passes away after divorcing his fourth wife.
I used to think that my family dynamics were the root of my distance from them. Growing up, my family life was anything but stable. I often moved around, shifting between parents depending on their marital statuses. My siblings would sometimes be with one parent while I stayed with another. While such experiences might be common today, they contributed to a sense of impermanence in our family structure. I became adaptable and learned to navigate change, but it also led me to question when someone might leave. This uncertainty kept me from forming strong bonds with my relatives—be it my mom, dad, or anyone else.
For a long time, I believed this was the reason for my lack of closeness with my family. My wife, on the other hand, speaks with her mother and sister daily. She simply doesn’t understand my family’s dynamic. However, as I’ve matured and let go of my bitterness regarding all those marriages and relocations, I’ve come to realize that, while my upbringing influenced our relationships, I genuinely don’t worry about their lives anymore. We share laughs and reminisce when we do connect, but our primary focus is on our individual families now.
We all have satisfying jobs and take care of ourselves and our loved ones. Yet, when it comes to each other, we’re in this “meh” phase—connecting on holidays and texting on birthdays, while loving one another from afar. We reside in different states, pursue various careers, and are at different life stages. Our tumultuous upbringing has taught us to handle our finances and emotions independently.
And honestly? It’s not so bad. Most days, I hardly think about it. I don’t feel as though I’m missing out on something profound or being excluded. I don’t believe my family feels that way either.
Last October, we all gathered in Utah to celebrate my mother’s retirement after over thirty years at the power company. This job had supported us after my father left, making it a notable occasion. We enjoyed a dinner together, seated at a long table, and I remember walking back from the restroom with my youngest. All I could see were smiles, and the laughter filled the air. From an outsider’s perspective, no one would guess that we weren’t particularly close or that we didn’t speak daily.
But once the dinner ended and we exchanged our goodbyes, it returned to the usual routine of sparse phone calls and social media updates. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine.
If your family situation mirrors mine—where conversations are infrequent but you still keep in touch—it’s all okay. There’s no need to feel guilty about it. Whether it stems from a challenging childhood or simply focusing on your own family, many people find themselves in similar scenarios.
What truly matters is nurturing the little ones in your home, ensuring they receive the best guidance, support, and love possible. In the end, that’s what counts.
If you’re interested in exploring family-building options, consider checking out this at-home insemination kit, and for more information on pregnancy and home insemination, the ACOG resource is an excellent reference.
In summary, distance from family can be normal and doesn’t diminish the love shared. What matters most is the well-being of those you’re raising.
Keyphrase: family distance acceptance
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